24 May 2004

Ever since . . .

The best way to piss off your mechanic is to begin a sentence with "ever since". (Words of advice, NEVER piss off your mechanic.)

As in: "Ever since you fixed my brakes, my window doesn't go up properly."

"You know goddamn well I didn't break your fucking window, lady, and I know goddamn well you're trying to get something for free." That's what I'm thinking (among other things, like sodomizing you with my 3/4 inch breaker bar) as I stare at you coldly, holding my tongue. Naturally, I would NEVER sodomize a customer, but some people do need two and a half feet of cold steel shoved up their ass. Don't look at me like that, every mechanic thinks the same shit.

As soon as I hear 'ever since', I shut down. It's a foregone conclusion now that you will pay for every little thing I do from this point forward. What you should have said:

"Hi, Rich, could you take a quick look at my window? It's been acting a little funny. You know, I noticed it when I was here last (three months ago when she had the brake job done), but I didn't have the time to come see you(it wasn't important to me until today because there's rain, snow, whatever, in the forecast and I didn't want it to COMPLETELY break in the down position)."

Upon hearing that, I would walk out to your car with you and check the operation of your beloved window. If it is acting up, and I can fix it in a couple minutes without ordering parts, I will, and generally send you on your way without charge. If I do need parts, I'll make sure the window stays up until I can get you in to replace said parts, and then send you on your way without charge.

If you came in saying 'ever since', I'd do all of the above and charge you $50 American.

"Well, that's all high and mighty of you, Mr. Fixer, but what if you did break it? If that's the case, you're just like those Paper Assholes you talk about," you might say.

And I say that any mechanic worth a damn doesn't break shit he's not being paid to fix in the first place. That isn't to say shit doesn't get broken, but again, any mechanic worth a damn doesn't let a car go out that way. I won't take the ding to my reputation. By the way, I was an engine builder for Ford Motor Company here in Queens and I'm ASE certified in every discipline but automatic transmissions. (More on the reasons why not down the line) I have an excellent reputation and I intend to keep it.

My little words of wisdom for the morning. Gotta get to work and see who broke what over the weekend. Have a nice day!

For those who care: Mrs. F and I are determined to wash the dog tonight. We'll see what happens.

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