I have a lot of good customers, most of them really. They make an appointment, drop the car off in the morning, and pick it up that evening. They pay their bill and go on their way. Maybe they throw us a tip, maybe they buy us coffee or a twelve pack as a thank you. Then I have the others, who are fucking pains in my ass.
Yeah, I know there are some folks who are curious and want to see what I'm doing on their car, and I can understand that. There are a few folks whom I let hang around while I'm working, and they know that they can ask questions but they have to stay out of my way. If I'm saying 'excuse me' to you all the time, you're well on your way to becoming a pain in my ass.
If you're hanging around and trying to impress me with what you know about cars, don't bother. I've forgotten more than you'll ever know and eventually you'll begin to get on my nerves. If you get on my nerves, I'll throw you the fuck out. If you talk bullshit and advertise that you know even less than you think you do, I'll throw you out faster. The fastest way to get tossed is if you try to tell me how to do my job. If you think you know enough to tell me how to do something, you should be doing this job yourself, not playing coach to me.
I had one guy, years ago, who'd bring his car for a service and carry a lube chart with him. Dickface would follow me around with his fucking chart, making sure I greased every fucking fitting on the car. Needless to say, I wasn't working for Harry at the time (Harry don't cotton to that shit) and I couldn't just give the guy the heave-ho. The good part was that he'd always stop in before he had to go to work and was always wearing a nice suit (some Wall St. weenie who thought he was better than everyone else). Well, one day I had enough of his bullshit (I had the fucking lube chart memorized by this point) and I 'accidentally' hosed him from shoulder to hip with bearing grease from the pneumatic grease gun. I acted mortified and went to 'help' taking my rag and wiping the grease into his $1000 suit and silk shirt in an effort to clean it. Fucking asshole never came back after my boss refused to pay for his suit, citing insurance regulations against having customers in the work area.
Look, I understand you're curious, but you don't catch me sitting next to you while you work, telling you how to do whatever you do. Show me the same courtesy. If you're curious and want to learn, ask me and I will be happy to explain things to you. Break my balls while I'm working and I'll set you and your piece of shit car on the sidewalk.
Also, If you're cheap, don't expect me to keep your piece of shit running with spit and baling wire and expect it to run like a Ferrari. I'm sorry, but when a car is 15-20 years old, shit's going to break. If you want it to run right, spend the money it takes to fix it or get a newer car. I'm not a miracle worker and no matter how many adjustments I do, or how many parts I replace, I can't compensate for wear. When I tell you the car is tired, accept that. If it blows smoke because the rings or valve guides are worn, nothing I can do, short of an engine overhaul can stop it. If you're not prepared to spring for that, don't complain that I can't stop the smoke or that your spark plugs keep fouling. Cars are NOT an investment, and the older they get, the more money you'll have to sink into them to keep them running. If you're too cheap to do regular maintenance, get rid of it before it goes out of warranty, it'll be cheaper in the long run.
To me, a car is a car. They're transportation and tools. Don't come in my place showing your ass about how precious your car is and what tender loving care I have to give it. I don't want to hear your shit about something of which there are a million more just like it on the road. I won't change your radio station or your seat and mirror settings unless there is no other choice, and I'll put a mat down on the floor and clean any mess I make, I do that for every customer. Your car isn't special, just another piece of machinery requiring service or repair. If your car is that valuable to you, then you might want to take it to somebody who charges a lot more an hour than I do. I won't put a cover on it, park it to take up two spots, wash it, or anything else you anal little mind can think up for me to do because your new Taurus is special.
You might say I'm arrogant but I'm good at what I do, so are the Indian and Harry, and we've proven ourselves over the combined 90+ years of experience we have. We don't need some clown who reads the DIY column in the paper trying to tell us how to fix their car.
I feel better now.