Last Chance Garage

We run into this a lot. A car that's been from shop to shop in the area, chasing a problem nobody seems able to fix. As I said before, we're a small shop (2 bays, one dedicated to NY State Vehicle Inspections). We work by appointment only because we have to plan our time wisely. We also charge a little more because we're good and we know it. We have to be due to the lack of space. Shit can't sit around while we're thinking about what's wrong with it. Cars get diagnosed quickly, parts are ordered, the car is fixed, and it leaves. Most (95%) don't stay overnight.

That said, we get people trying to save money (we're not anywhere near dealer prices and we work fast so our labor comes out less anyway) or time (they can't wait a couple days), taking their cars to other places. Especially true with a service (notice I don't call it an 'oil change') which will set you back $50 in my place. We get those cars back eventually, with a buncha new parts under the hood, with the same problem (so how much did you save getting $19.95 oil changes). We're not parts-changers. We treat a customer's money as if it were our own and they get only what they need.

If it's an intermittent problem and I can't replicate it on command, and I'm not sure of what's causing it, I'll tell the customer that, and ask them to put up with it until it becomes a bit more regular (nothing fixes itself and it's gonna get worse). I'm not gonna throw a few hundred bucks in parts at it, charge you another couple hundred bucks in labor, on a 'maybe it might work'. Odds are, if I can't find it, nobody else will either, with the exception of the dealership. Those guys see the same cars all day long and they know about the little crazy shit that is chronic to the brand. I have, on occasion, advised a customer to have a dealer look at it rather than take their money to do something I'm not sure of.

If you have a shop that does timely repairs at a reasonable rate, stick with them. As I always say, there should be no surprises when it's time for you to pick up your car, and your car shouldn't be sitting at the shop for weeks, 'waiting for parts'. If you live near a major metropolitan area, most parts (brakes, starters, alternators, batteries) can be had within an hour or two. Special order usually takes a couple business days. Cars sitting around in various states of repair don't make me money, neither do pissed off customers who paid a big bill a couple days ago and the problem remains. If your guy required several visits (with requisite parts and labor charges each time) to fix a problem, look for somebody else.

I'm very happy with being known as the Last Chance Garage. It means I'm doing something right and the appointment book stays full.

Its Time Has Come.

World's First Air-Powered Car: Zero Emissions by Next Summer

This six-seater tax, which should be available in India next year, is powered entirely by a tank filled with compressed air.

Barring any last-minute design changes on the way to production, the Air Car should be surprisingly practical. The $12,700 CityCAT, one of a handful of planned Air Car models, can hit 68 mph and has a range of 125 miles. It will take only a few minutes for the CityCAT to refuel at gas stations equipped with custom air compressor units; MDI says it should cost around $2 to fill the car’s carbon-fiber tanks with 340 liters of air at 4350 psi. Drivers also will be able to plug into the electrical grid and use the car’s built-in compressor to refill the tanks in about 4 hours.

Of course, the Air Car will likely never hit American shores, especially considering its all-glue construction. But that doesn’t mean the major automakers can write it off as a bizarre Indian experiment — MDI has signed deals to bring its design to 12 more countries, including Germany, Israel and South Africa.

Popular Mechanics has the full article.

Unfortunately,we will,as usual, be behind the curve on this.
India's biggest car manufacturer has ordered 6,000 of these to debut in 2008.
Ex Formula One engineer Guy Negre designed them and I think we should start putting the pressure on so we could see them here in the U.S.
Zero emmissions. Zero.
The little buggers can go just over 65 mph and 125 miles before a recharge is needed.
MDI, who builds them, is building another car that also uses fuel and the range on those is 2,000 kilometers or about 1.200 hundred miles.

The duel energy engine, on the other hand, has been conceived as much for the city as the open road and will be available in all MDI vehicles. The engines will work exclusively with compressed air while it is running under 50 km/h in urban areas. But when the car is used outside urban areas at speeds over 50 km/h, the engines will switch to fuel mode. The engine will be able to use gasoline, gas oil, bio diesel, gas, liquidized gas, ecological fuel, alcohol, etc.

Both engines will be available with 2, 4 and 6 cylinders, When the air tanks are empty the driver will be able to switch to fuel mode, thanks to the car's on board computer.

The secret, apparently, to this engine is an articulated connecting rod that allows the piston to stay at top dead center longer for the air to charge the cylinder.

You can see an animation of it at work.

I think it's a pretty cool idea that's time has come.

A link to the home page here.

Crash Test Dummies ...

This affects me directly because, as many of you know, I'm a mechanic. When I saw this last night, I could just guess what my day would be like today. No, I won't be fixing any cars, I'll be fielding questions from customers, both on the phone and in person, about the cheap Chinese tires and if they have them on their car.

Federal officials have told a small New Jersey importer to recall 450,000 radial tires for pickup trucks, sport utility vehicles and vans after the company disclosed that its Chinese manufacturer had stopped including a safety feature that prevented the tires from separating.

Tread separation is the same defect that led to the recall of millions of Firestone tires in 2000. At the time, tire failure was linked to an increased risk of rollover of light trucks and S.U.V.’s.

...

Gotta love that 'free market' economy. Fuck all you idiots who spout the Rethug line that "regulation hurts business". Horseshit. Look at the airline industry since St. Ronnie of Raygun deregulated it. Look at the mass media, TV and newspapers, and the sorry state they're in thanks to the abolition of the 'fairness doctrine'. 'Free market' means big business can run roughshod over the rights of consumers and employees.

We've seen it with the food we feed ourselves and our pets, in the medicines we use to keep us healthy, and we've seen it in the products we use and the services we contract for. Big business is using us as crash test dummies and it's time for them to be held accountable.

Too bad the Chinese hold most of our foreign debt. They know we can't push them too hard or they'll call in the note in the worst case, but they do have the power to fuck up our economy royally. Think that wasn't by design? It's time to reexamine the place big business has in our society and in the national discourse.

Great thanks to Chris at AMERICAblog.

Shop lines

Great thanks to the Cheezburger for the photo.

Ha Ha Ha Ha,,Yeah, Right.

I couldn't resist this one. All I can say to this ,is,I know a quicker way.

Tires are comprised of many layers of rubber, steel and fabric. Due to these different components, your new tires require a "break-in" period to ensure that they deliver their normal ride quality and maximum performance. As tires are cured, a "release lubricant" is applied to prevent them from sticking in their mold. Some of the lubricant stays on the surface of your tires, reducing traction until it is worn away. Five hundred miles of easy acceleration, cornering and braking will allow the mold release lubricant to wear off, allowing the other tire components to begin working together.
snip

Where I lifted this;
Must be a filler article.

Something new in valves.

To kind of continue the conversation in the comments on the last post, I googled poppet valve technology and found they are soon to be obsolete if this outfit has anything to say about it;

Art Vatsky, P.E. Explains Coates Spherical Rotary Valve Technology

Coates Spherical Rotary Valve Cylinderhead

WALL TOWNSHIP, N.J.--Coates International, Ltd. (OTCBB: COTE) announced that Art Vatsky, a well-known professional engineer and CEO of Future Fuels Technology, has provided a clear explanation of the company's technology. That independent report is as follows:

"An Elegant Solution for Today’s Internal Combustion Engine Valves

Improved Engine Breathing, Reduced Internal Friction, Lower Production Cost"

George G. Coates, CEO of Coates International, Ltd. has devoted a good part of his career to developing and perfecting a spherical rotary valve to be used to replace poppet valves in internal combustion piston engines.

Snip

You can find the rest of the article here.

This One Is For You Gord

From your comment about my last Alternative Engine post,here is an opinion piece.

The redemption of the pushrod.

Heh ...

Nothing like the look on a customer's face when they say "I'm here for my inspection" and you pull on a rubber glove and say "okay, drop your pants and bend over".

Bad days ...

Thank God they don't come around too often. Yesterday at the shop was a day from Hell.

1. Got a 1982 Chevy pickup with a 6.2L V-8 diesel that needs a starter. Guy wants a new starter, as opposed to rebuilt. Starter comes in, not a factory part but new aftermarket. I rip the old (original) out (heavy bitch) and put the new one in. Connect the battery cable and the ignition line and go to connect the battery. As soon as I touch the battery cable to the negative terminal, the starter starts cranking the engine. Problem is, the key is sitting on the front seat. Piece o' shit starter. I call my parts guy and scream at him. He says all he can get me before quitting time is a rebuilt. "Fuck it, send it," I say.

Rebuilt starter comes. I pull out the 'new' starter (heavy bitch) and install the 'new-rebuilt'. I connect the battery cable and I'm happy because the engine doesn't start spinning immediately. I hop in the driver's seat, put the key in the ignition, and ... click ... click. Piece o' shit rebuilt. I call my parts guy and scream at him again. Can't have any kind of starter until today. Call the customer and humble myself and ask if I can have the truck another day. He's understanding, no problem.

2. 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Needs front pads and rotors. Parts come and I pull it in and start taking it apart. Get the right side done and go to the left. Indian helps me out and cleans the cosmoline off the new rotor ... and finds a crack. Cracked straight up from the hub to the outer edge. Piece o' shit rotor. Call up my parts guy and scream at him again. Gotta leave the Jeep hanging on my lift for an hour until I get a new one.

3. 1995 Lincoln Town Car. Needs a right front window motor. Ordered the part from Ford so I'd get the right fucking part. Part comes and I pull the car in. Pull the door panel and all the attendant accoutrement off, blow the rivets out of the bracket and get the motor out only to find ... Ford sent me the left side window motor. Called the Ford parts guy and screamed at him. Turns out the part was mis-boxed. Apologized to the Ford parts guy for screaming at him. Put the door back together and left the old motor unplugged so Mrs. Y won't accidentally put the window down again like she does every other day and I have to wrestle it back up.

I'll be damned if I got anything fixed yesterday.

An Alternative Engine.

Way back in the 1940's there was a gentleman named Russell Bourke who had an idea.
He tinkered around and engineered a mechanical wonder in his home workshop in 1954.
It is difficult to describe, but I will give it a shot and then point you to some links that has videos and a working diagram that will give you a more detailed idea of his vision.
His engine is a pancake design that has two cylinders . Theoretically, you could marry as many together as you wanted for any type of horse power or torque situation you could reasonably dream up.
The opposing pistons are mated to a single connecting rod with a unique triple slipper bearing. The compression ratio could be varied from 8:1 to 20 to 1! It was tested with several different types of fuel and could run on unleaded gas, diesel, Coleman lantern fuel, natural gas etc. .
The original engine was spec'd at 30 cubic inches and tested at 35 HP @ 5,000 RPM. The emissions emitted were Carbon Dioxide, and water vapor.It could be carburated or fuel injected, run a capacitor discharge ignition or use compression to fire the fuel for diesel.
He built a four cylinder version later that was rated at 400 Cubic inches and was static estimated to put out 200 HP and 500 FT LBS. of torque at only 2,000 RPM!
They were also fabulously fuel efficient, running air to fuel ratios of 30:1 and even 50 : 1 with an exhaust temperature of only 190-240 degrees!
Enough out of me, go check out the website thoroughly, it is flat out fascinating.
Here is a working diagram so you can wrap your head around the design ,and here is the home page, be sure and check out the videos.

I would love to see one of these stuffed under the hood of a car.

I Thought They Discontinued These Things.

Apparently not.





The 2008 Ford Taurus.

Start With A Good Idea...

Then run with it.....









One small bit of advice;
Next time don't wait damn near forty years to do it,'K?





Links to pics,

http://www.allsportauto.com/english/ford_mustang_shelby_gt_500.php

http://www.muscularmustangs.com/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=18&page=5

Are you idiots?

I'd like to know who the genius was who thought this was safe?

SELMER, Tenn. -- Two more people have died after a drag-racing car went out of control and careened into a crowd of spectators, raising the death toll to six, officials said yesterday.

...

There was a guard rail along at least part of the highway but not where the crash occurred.

...

We've been dealing with the street racing problem in NY a long time and are painfully aware of what can go wrong. Thing is, most street racing is illegal. This was a legal, sanctioned event so I ask the organizers, what the fuck were you thinking? How the fuck are you gonna sleep at night with 6 lives, so far, on your conscience?

This accident was a long time coming and as those of us in the business know, racing is inherently dangerous. I could regale you for hours with stupid racing stories of how shit happened at sanctioned tracks.

A note to the person who arranged this idiocy: You have a good cause; next year hold it at a racetrack instead of a highway. If there is a next year. Odds are, you'll be sued into destitution. Good luck living out of that refrigerator box.

Question for the Tennessee Highway Patrol: How the fuck did they get a permit for this stupidity?

3 days on ...

Click to embiggen.

Well, three days and 150 miles in with the new Escape and the first impression is that it's a solid (the doors sound as solid as the ones in the Explorer when you close 'em) well thought out vehicle.

It has as much power as the Ranger, though the automatic (4 speed overdrive) doesn't leave the line like the standard shift did. Passing power is more than adequate at highway speed.

The car is also comfortable, the seats hug you and seem to adjust indefinitely. I got cloth interior instead of leather so I wouldn't stain the shit out of it (I do drive it to work and the Mrs. always nags at me when I get something on the seats in the Explorer when I take her car) and it's easier to clean if I do.

Ergonomically, the dash is laid out well, even including a digital gas mileage meter to remind me when I'm driving ... wastefully. Heh ... All the controls are easy to get to and easy to read while keeping your eyes on the road. Blind spots are few as well and the oversize side view mirrors make you forget about the few it does have.

The tunes are awesome, the JBL Audiophile 6-CD/MP3 player along with Sirius Satellite Radio. This is my first experience with satellite (it's part of the Ford special on the car, they pick up the subscription for the first 6 months) and I am truly impressed; enough to consider continuing the subscription after the trial period is up. I'm in the car for 60 miles a day in NYC/Long Island traffic, good tunes are a must when my commute can be anywhere from 40 minutes to 3 hours, depending on prevailing conditions.

I'll have more once I put a couple thousand miles on it but at first blush, I'm very happy with it.

NASCAR question ...

Is it me or are the Busch Series races getting to be more fun to watch than the Nextel Cup cars? This whole Car of Tomorrow (seems like IROC with fancier paint jobs to me) thing is dubious (sorry, but I been a NASCAR fan since they ran real showroom stock cars) and Tony Stewart was right, it does seem more like professional wrestling than auto racing.

Resources

I found a great site, thanks to linkage to Gord's post below, run by a lady named Louise Kyle. She's from out Gord's way too. From oil changes to increasing your car's resale value, she covers it all. Give her a look-see.

Dr. John, the Auto Tripper

These pics get positively HUGE if you click 'em! By all means, do so.

I took my Dakota over to The Auto & Tire Doctor today for an oil change and tire rotation. What's a mechanic doing having someone else work on his rig, you ask? The $29.95 Special of the Month is why. I usually do my own oil changes, but the oil filter is a pain in the ass on that thing. I don't know what it's like up on a hoist, but on the ground the filter lacks about 1/4 inch of enough clearance to drop right out like it ought to, so you have to slide it forward and change hands between the frame and the hot exhaust manifold, arms fore and aft of the tire with your chin resting on it. No fun. Rotating the tires with a floor jack in my sloping driveway is a time-consuming pain as well. It costs me a little under $20 to do an O & F change myself, so another ten bucks or so to do the rotation is well worth it.

John, the owner of this joint, is an old pal. We started our shops one door apart in the same industrial park the exact same day in '84. He started The Auto Doctor with 450 square feet, built it up 'til he had all ten units in the original building, and through the magic of time and hard work, not to leave out a missus with a lotta business savvy, now owns the 12,000 sq.ft. building, on 2 1/2 acres, that you see in the above photo. The four bays are about sixty feet long with roll-up doors on the other end as well.

The windows above the entrance and customer waiting room (other photo) are apartments John built to house some of his employees. Forty Meskins in each one! Just kidding. That's huge. Affordable housing for working folks in our town is getting increasingly hard to come by. While the building was being designed he thought of a damn good use for what would otherwise have been wasted space.

Speaking of the waiting room, there's magazines and TV, and a lot of deco: die-casts, signs, license plates, all kinds of automotive and NASCAR memorabilia. John has an RS/SS El Camino that he built, and El Caminos are the preponderance of the die-casts. It's hard to get very bored in that joint.

I waited for my pickup in the outdoor waiting area, equipped with nice patio furniture and also a cow-condo grill upon which John occasionally cooks lunch for his employees and customers. When he's not cookin' up road kill ("From your grille to ours!"), there's coffee, popcorn, and hot dogs for the customers. For free!

Did I mention that John is a nice guy who likes to treat people right?

Just to give you the small-town flavor, while I was waiting I had a nice chat with a young lady, maybe mid-30s, who was waiting on her Ranger (smart girl, huh, F-Man?). She ended up showing me pictures of her grandkids, which floored me 'cuz she didn't look old enough. The Ozzy Osbourne T-shirt musta fooled me. She also said her Mom liked to play video games, which she thought was weird for an "old" lady of 60. I set her straight on that "old at 60" shit right quick! I also got a short visit with some folks I've known for 25 years but haven't seen in quite a while that were getting their car serviced. I got caught up on their kid: "He's in juvie. Three dirty pee tests. All the kids quit racin' motocross, too. They all got hurt too bad. Catchin' too much air." Some things never change. Heh. Pretty fun way to wait for your rig.

The shop is modern and up-to-the-minute. I don't know how many employees John has but it's a bunch. Mechanics these days need a lot more learnin' than they used to because basically they're electronics diagnosticians, but they still get greasy up past their armpits on occasion. He also has service writers, tire guys, and office folks. When he started out, John did it all by himself. Now he just walks around, schmoozes, does whatever he can to keep things goin' smooth. It's the biggest shop in town and has the best reputation.

He gives back to the community, too. Just about every event you go to around here, The Auto & Tire Doctor is on the list of sponsors, particularly all us gearheads' favorite, the annual Cannibal Cruise. By the way, the guys who put on the cruise say it got its name from 'cannibalizing' parts to build cars, but those of us who live here near Donner Lake and Donner Pass know that it's really named after a peculiar eating habit of some of the old pioneers.

I just wanted to share John's success story with you. It shows what a dumb-ass kid wrench with a dream can do with a lot of hard and honest work.

Update:

The title of the post comes from the old days when John and I both, er, worked, yeah, that's the ticket, 'til all hours to try and keep up with things. The statute of limitations has run out on some of our nocturnal goings-on, but I'm still not going there. We're mechanics, not altar boys, after all. These days I call him "the T & A Doc".

Something Wicked This Way Comes

This is the 2006 Weineck 780 CID Limited Edition A/C Cobra.

Thats right, Seven Hundred Eighty Cubic Inches.Or,12.9 Litres. Only 15 were to be built and you could get any color interior you wanted.Here is some of the article from which I got this picture along with a link;


The first turn of the key activates a gigantic high-pressure fuel pump. To tromp and release the accelerator pedal means more than half a litre of finest nutrition (fuel) have arrived inside the ultra high-performance carburetor system to feed the devil, that is Weineck's custom milled V8 engine. The next turn activates the gigantic starter motor to spin the crankshaft resulting in an latent idle of 1,000rpm.

Even up to 4,000 rpm, the Weineck Cobra 780 cui Limited Edition accelerates faster than any other supercar when fully driven. The accelerator pedal always has to be operated very gently and with respect. The world's most powerful, strongest & best accelerating road-legal car and its absent of aids from the digital era like ASR, ESP, ABS etc.

Above 5,000rpm the engine delivers its world record torque of 1300 ft.lbs (1,760 Nm) at 5,600rpm. It's more like Sol 5 on Starship Enterprise! The rev. limiter is set to cut in at 8,000 rpm and the engine reaches its maximum power of 1,100 hp at 7,000 rpm. In fact, the engine revs faster than the classic Smith instrumentation can follow!

From 0-300 km/h (186 mph) in just 10 seconds! That is, of course, not only possible by using the strongest, naturally aspirated engine ever built for a road car.

snip

Take a look here for more.

I have as many Nads as the next guy but this thing sounds very scary.
Which of course, means I want one!

Tech Tips

I would like to thank Fixer for giving me the opportunity to post here,it is an honor and I hope to have more to come later on. I am also greatly looking forward to picking Gordons mind on a few things as I love old iron and use to ride motorcycles as a crazy youngster.
I hope I can relay some time saving tips from my side as I use to work flat rate as a mechanic, which is piece work. The quicker you got done, the more money you could make.So I have a few things up my sleeve and hope you can benefit from my experiences.


Anyone who has ever done any amount of wrenching will immediately grimace whenever this topic is broached;
Gasket removal.
Who hasn't spent a few hours scraping and cursing a particularly stubborn gasket?
One that has been stuck on a piece for say, 25 years or more?
Oh yeah, been there.
I have seen some nasty hand wounds from guys who tried using a gasket scraper the wrong way,to tell the truth I have a couple of scars myself.
Well, I am here to make your day.
I first ran into the original version of these little wonder discs back in the mid nineties. Perhaps you have seen them.
3M calls them Roloc surface preparation discs.They come in different diameters and different degrees of coarseness. They twist onto a collet you put in a 90 degree die grinder.
Instead of an hour of scraping, you can do a water pump gasket in two minutes.
They are awesome for large gaskets and can be used for rust removal, paint removal (to a point)
heck, I even used one once to put a quick edge on my knife!
Care should be used, eye protection is a must, gloves, possibly dust protection.
You do not want any of the resulting dust to get inside an engine, it is literally sandpaper
particles getting into your bearings etc.Care must also be taken when using on aluminum parts as it will quickly eat into the gasket surface if you are not paying attention.
Here is a link to the 3M site, there are other brands out there.
I will say ,once you try these you will be glad you did.

http://www.tcpglobal.com/3m/3m101-4.aspx

Staff

We'll be adding a new mechanic to the staff. Please welcome Bustednuckles to the blog and pay attention to what he tells you. He's been to a lot of the Ford schools I have and from his comments it's easy to infer he knows what he's talking about.

Housekeeping ...

Figured I'd spruce the place up a bit. The impetus for this came while searching for artwork for the Brain. I stumbled across the above (the name of the painting is "Outta Gas and She's Gotta Go") and I thought it fit well with the page. Comments solicited.

Goodbye, old friend ...

It chokes me up, but I'll be saying goodbye to my Ford Ranger this Friday. The Mrs. and I got a wild hair this morning after getting a flyer from the Ford dealership advertising rebates on '08 Escapes and we decided to go look. Well, this is what I walked out with an hour ago.



The Ranger was one of the best cars I've ever had and I'll miss it, but the warranty will be up next month and as hard as I am on cars, a big repair (transmission or differential) was in the cards for the near future. I'll be sad but I look forward to driving the more versatile Escape.

The Ranger is/was a sports car (I called it my undercover mid-life crisis car; did you actually think I'd drive a red sports car?) and I only used it as a pickup once and that was to pick up 2 brand new tires from Goodyear for a customer's car.

After 35,000 miles, daily 90+ mph runs on the highway, regular powershifts, and sliding around turns, take my advice and buy a Ranger if you're looking for a small pickup. If I couldn't kill it, it's a good bet it'll take anything a normal person can throw at it.

We'll see what the Escape can take soon enough, won't we? Heh ...

And just a note, because they do treat us so well, we buy all our vehicles (this will be our 6th from them) at:

Newins Bay Shore Ford
219 W Main St.
Bay Shore, NY 11706

If you live in the NY Metro area, you owe it to yourself to give 'em a look before you buy.

And just a clarification, the reason I didn't get another Ranger is because Ford doesn't make the Edge package anymore. The closest thing they had (I had the salesman look) was the STX package and the lowest gear I could get in the differential with a standard transmission was 3.73:1. The Ranger Edge came with 4.11:1 and it was part of the reason the car was so much fun to drive.

And of course I got the 3.0L V-6 in the Escape, the same as in the Ranger. I'm not a fan of the 3.8L V-6 in the least.

Better ideas ...

If you've read this blog and don't know I'm not just a Ford guy but have worked for them and have a deep affinity for the company and the product, you ain't been paying attention. And I am not averse to criticizing them when they need it either. I've had serious issues with William Clay Ford when he was running the show.

That's why this news today makes me happy.

Ford Motor Co. snared five top category awards in an annual survey of new car quality, more than any other auto maker, according to J.D. Power and Associates.

The Dearborn-based car company bumped Toyota, winner of the most category honors in last year's survey.

...

It's about time they are able to compete with the Japanese brands, especially Toyota whose quality is legendary.

...

The 2007 Initial Quality Study, released this afternoon, rates overall brand quality and also ranks vehicles within specific segments or categories. Top model segment honors went to the Ford Mustang, Lincoln Mark LT, Lincoln MKZ, Mazda MX-5 Miata and Mercury Milan.

In all, 14 Ford Motor models placed in the top three of their respective categories.

...

Hopefully, the brand can begin to reclaim some of their past greatness.

Firsts ...

I've told you a few times that my buddy Nunzio will work on anything. He doesn't care. He and Marino (the Greek that works for him) will take in Maseratis, Jaguars, even French cars, not to mention everybody with an Italian car on Long Island goes to him. When we have piece of shit, hard to work on foreign cars, we offer Nunz the job.

Well today I get this 5 year old Chevy Cavalier (80,000 miles) in on the hook. New customer, said on the phone she overheated it and it didn't want to run anymore ("You know, it made that clanking noise"). I get it off the wrecker and there isn't one straight piece of sheetmetal on the thing. The nose is pushed over about an inch and a half to the right and the hood overlaps the left fender. Fine. I push it into the shop and fill it with water. A good sign, the water didn't just pour out of it.

I tell Harry to try and start it. As it cranked, I could hear the compression was gone in one cylinder but it fired. That's when I saw exhaust coming out of the radiator filler. I told Harry to back it out and park it. The head gasket, maybe the head itself was shot.

Now, I don't want to work on this (if it were a long-time, regular customer I'd consider it, but I don't know the person and, from the look of the car, getting paid for a $1500 bill might prove ... difficult) and at that time, Nunz comes up with an inspection. I ask him if he wants the job and we'd tow it up to him. He looks it over and says "not for a million bucks".

First time for everything.

Fireroad Special

I just like this bike and wanted to share. It's a '70 Triumph Bonnie set up for street and fast dirt roads. It will make about 50HP, with bags of torque. These things are about as much fun as you can have with yer clothes on!

The bike ain't got a thing on it that it doesn't need to get down the road without getting a ticket.

Ceriani forks, Works Performance shocks, Filtron 'green weenie' air filters, TT pipes (I'll bet those "mufflers" are hollow!), minimal lighting, fenders, and other legal BS, the rare (these days) aluminum oil tank and the very rare Webco rocker shaft oil manifold - an older-style set-up. Someone's been havin' big fun with this sled for a long time. The disc brakes and aluminum rims reduce unsprung weight, just be feather-fingered on that front one in the dirt.

Turn comin' up on that twisty ol' fireroad? Crank on some throttle in 3rd, 4th if ya got a pair, and back 'er in! Whee!

And yes, my pants are down around my ankles...

There's more "readers' rides" at the LATimes.

Giving back to the future

I appreciate all the comments on the post about Sam doing well on her final exam presentation and it got me to thinking about the kids I've mentored in the car business and the talented, promising young women Mrs. F has taken under her wing over the years. I don't know who has reaped more rewards, the Mrs. and I when we see a kid we've worked with become successful or the kids themselves.

It's our way of giving back for our success and it's also a form of investment in the future of our nation and the world. It's not only job training but a chance to bring our progressive outlook on life, and impart some of the lessons we've learned along the way, to the next generation who'll run this planet when we're gone. I don't know how much will stick, but I believe every experience can be learned from.

I encourage everyone to spend some time with a young person. Listen to them and find out what makes them tick and then lend your advice and guidance. Don't preach, don't act like a parent, be their friend and give them the encouragement they need to develop their self-esteem and the knowledge they'll need to deal with the world, whether it be in business or in life, lessons learned young will last a lifetime.

I have had several mentors in my life whose guiding hand and influence has made me a better person and a better mechanic, and I am forever in their debt. Mentor a young person, give them a hand up, teach them how to be good, successful people and the world will reap the reward.

***

And a Sam update: Harry and I were talking this morning and agreed that since her internship is over, and the fact she enjoys working with us, we're gonna put her on staff for the summer. We'll work out her hours when she starts college in fall (if she'll even have the time), but we figured we might as well start paying her. She'll need all the scratch she can get for tuition and books.

Surveying the damage ...

Light blogging today. Gotta get myself pretty. Tonight we'll see how badly we've fucked Sam the Intern up. We're all heading off to the high school at 7, where she has to give a 30 minute presentation on what she's learned after spending 6 months with us, supposedly learning something of the automotve trade.

Hopefully, she doesn't tell the truth. Heh ...

Update:

Her presentation was fantastic. She didn't say she learned how to say "pay up and get the fuck out" or "suck my ass, tell someone who gives a fuck" so that was good. The judges gave her an 88 and we're all proud of her. She learned more than I thought she did.



Her mom already emailed me pics. Heh ...

Buckle Up!

Two-thirds of us will be traveling by car this holiday weekend. Listen to the Governor. He knows what he's talking about.

Great thanks to the lovely Pam Spaulding for the video.

Big cats 2

Click to embiggen.

So we got the fuel pump done yesterday afternoon in Mrs. Indian's Jaguar. The Indian asked me to road test it today (we get anal about our own shit when we work on it so we don't road test our own; when I work on one of mine, the Indian road tests).

Putting 20 miles on it, highway and around town, I almost forgot why I hate working on them. What a beautiful car to drive (always happens when I drive a Jag. I get out and say "I gotta get one of these" and then I remember I hate working on them). Only one problem I found, a bit of a shimmy that starts at 65 and goes away around 93. Don't think Mrs. I will notice. Heh ...

Wow!!!!!

I just realized this blog turned 3 yesterday!!!! Yay us!!!!

Big cats

I hate Jaguars. I mean, I think Jaguar makes some of the most beautiful cars in the business, the classic lines are always in style. I hate working on them. I've hated working on them since the first time I ever worked on one. We don't take them in at the shop. If someone comes in with a Jag, we send them up the street to the Screamin' Guinea Nunzio. Nunz'll work on any fucking thing. The most I do on a Jag is a NY State Vehicle Emissions and Safety Inspection. Won't even turn a wrench on one. Harry hates working on them. Indian hates working on them. In fact, I know most of the guys at the local Jaguar dealership hate working on them.

Problem.

Mrs. Indian drives a Jag and her electric fuel pump shit itself. Guess what we did this afternoon?

El Caddymino

My sis-in-law tipped us off to a new pizza joint that was having an opening day $7.50 all-you-can-eat special. It's in the same shopping center as her son-in-law's supermarket. This rig was in the parking lot. I love El Caminos, so I couldn't resist taking the pics. I think I want one of these. The asking price is $12,500. The guy'll probably get it. It looked nicely done.

The pizza was damn good too. After I had 'all-I-could-eat', I hope they can afford to open up for their second day (burp)...

Where I work* ...

So, I'm setting a cylinder head on the block in a T-bird and the little tramp Sam sneaks up on me, draws a smiley face on my arm and packs my t-shirt into my navel while my hands are occupied. God we've fucked that kid up.

*Part of an ongoing, semi-regular series.

Brough Superior

I like English motorcycles, and I like old motorcycles. Here's a video of both. Sub-titles added for your convenience.



The Brough Superior is an extremely rare machine and the remaining examples are mainly in the hands of rich collectors, God bless 'em. The rarest of them all is any one that Lawrence of Arabia didn't get killed on!

Where I work* ...

I taught Samantha how to drive standard shift today (it was slow this afternoon) and she didn't even burn up the clutch in my Ranger.

*Part of an ongoing, semi-regular series.

Where I work* ...

Sometimes it's good to be the hero.

So, Dr. D (the chiropractor) drops his Lexus off for some work and needs a ride to his office. No prob. I have Mrs. F's Explorer and I toss his laptop and bag in the back and take off with him. We're not 3 blocks from the shop on the Avenue and I see the guy in front of me slam on his brakes and swerve right. I tell the Doc to hold on and hit the brakes. What do I see walking down the middle of the double-yellow lines but a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel pup.

Now, there are trucks and cars and crazy soccer moms zipping up and down and I know he's gonna be killed so I throw the car sideways and put on my 4-ways. I jump out and run over to the little guy and he flops on his side and wags his tail. I scoop him up and run back to the car, the Doc screaming that somebody's gonna run into us (it's a curvy road and I'm parked in the middle, just past a curve). I hop in and toss the dog into Shayna's spot, throwing the car in gear and taking off.

"What are ya gonna do?" The Doc asks.

"I'm gonna drop you off and then bring him back. I'm sure I'll find some sad looking people wandering around near where we found him," I say, looking back to see the little guy already got comfortable and was sound asleep. I drive the Doc to his office and as I pull into the parking space the pup wakes up, hops onto the center console, and into my lap. I look at his collar for the first time and I see a rabies tag; a smile crosses my face as I see they use the same vet Shayna does. And then I see the next tag:

My name is:
Otis

My phone is:
(516) 676-XXXX

"Hi, Otis," I say as he licks my face.

"What's the number?" The Doc says as he whips out his cell.

I read it to him. He calls and leaves a voicemail saying that Otis was safe at the shop and giving the address. I thank him and head back, Otis on my lap, his chin resting on my arm as he looks out the window. It took about 10 minutes and as I come up the Avenue, I see a car pull into the lot and a woman and a little girl get out. They go over to Indian and Harry as I drive up and I knew they were Otis' family, his tail was beating it's way through my chest when he saw them.

Now, Indian and Harry knew nothing of this and I saw Harry shrug to the woman as I lowered the window. "Are ya looking for this?" I said as Otis stuck his head out the window.

You know, I'm a pretty tough guy, but I melted when I saw the little girl's face light up when she saw her pup. When she said "yay, Mister, you saved Otis," it made my year.

Even our idiot President dancing around like Boris Yeltsin on crack couldn't ruin my mood.

*Part of an ongoing, semi-regular series.

My friend said ...

One of the easiest ways to annoy me at work is to bring a car in and say "my friend said (whatever) is wrong with my car". I know I've bitched about this before but I'm too lazy to dig it up.

Case in point today, guy comes into the shop, says he needs an inspection but the 'check engine' light is on. His friend tells him it's the oxygen sensor. I asked him if his friend was a mechanic. He said no, but his friend has a 'code reader' and that's what it said the car needed. He "wasn't gonna pay for extra stuff he didn't need in order to get a sticker."

Now, it's my first instinct to tell a guy like this to get the fuck out and bother some other shop, but NY state law says I can't refuse to inspect a car. As regular readers know, I've had enough problems with the state in the last few months to push the issue.

I tell him "nothing personal, but being that I've been in the business for 35 years, maybe I should pull the codes and see for myself."

His reply: "I'm not paying extra for that."

"Fine," I say. I don't charge for scanning a computer but most shops do, at least $40, some $75. I go to the phone and call my parts guy and ask him what an oxygen sensor costs for the car. $110 each. I tell him to hold on and turn to the customer. "It's $110 for the part and $85 to install. You'll need 2 of 'em."

"So much? Why two?"

"Because the car has 2 of them and you don't want me to scan the computer. How do I know which one is bad?"

He looks at me and gets it that he's wasting my time. I tell the parts guy I'll call him back.

"How much to scan it?" He asks me.

"Nothing," and I plug the scanner in. Gives me back a 'system lean' code. "It's not either of the oxygen sensors," I tell him. I pop the hood, take out a can of brake kleen (alcohol based), and start the engine.

"How do you know? What are you doing?" He gets worried when I start spraying the shit all over the engine. Let's just say that, using this method, if a car has bad spark plug wires, you'll know it quick enough.

"I'm saving you $400," I say as the engine rpm goes up. I spray again and get the light to get a better look at what I'm spraying. As I thought, he had a shitty vacuum hose. I cut a piece from the roll, replace it, clear the code and tell him to drive the car for 2 hours and come back. He comes back, no 'check engine' light on, and he gets his inspection sticker. Cost: $10 for the hose, $37 for the inspection. I probably have a regular customer now.

Look, I realize a lot of people think mechanics are crooks. There are a lot of 'em out there, a lot of guys who don't know what they're doing, and there are a lot of guys who'll sell you what you insist on, even though you don't need it. I realize auto repairs are expensive and you don't want to spend more than you have to.

That said, walking into a shop and telling the mechanic what your buddy says is wrong with the car is not gonna get you on the mechanic's good side. You see, the good ones, like me, have as much schooling as a masters degree candidate and equating what your idiot friend knows with my expertise is downright insulting. Assuming I'm gonna rip you off, and making it known, is too. And, regardless of what your friend knows, if I wanted to rip you off, you wouldn't know it.

By all means, ask questions. Any mechanic worth a damn will answer any questions you want until you have a full understanding of what is wrong, what you'll need to fix it, and how much it will cost. There should be no surprises when you come to pick up your car. If you can say that about your mechanic, stick with him and don't break his balls. There's enough legitimate work out there to pay the bills without my having to rip anyone off.

Old sleds ain't just fer lookin' at...

Modern trials bikes weigh about forty pounds, you can't sit down on them, and they can turn around in a phone booth. See this if you don't believe me. Ride one of these old bikes into a phone booth, it's good-bye phone booth! This is fun to watch and also to listen to.

It's good to see some Early Iron gettin' all dirty and being used as originally intended instead of housed in a collection where all the owner worries about is concours points and value appreciation. Ridin' 'em's a lot more fun.

Mixed footage over two sections of the Manx classic weekend trial in 2006. Various old motorcycles (and riders, with some younger ones too), from 1940s bikes through to the 70s taking on the elements.

Thanks to The Manxman. Keep 'em comin'!

You are what you drive...

Good article in Newsweek:

From their Beetles to their boxy SUVs, Americans who grew up in the '60s and '70s defined themselves by what they drove.

Long article. Go read. Take the 30-question quiz, too. I got 63%, which was in the largest percentile.

More Station Wagons

Sometimes, Fixer inspires my ass with a very few words. See previous post.

The coolest station wagon ever built:



I picked a customized '57 to show, but all the Tri-Chevy Nomads were, like, way bitchin' dude! Many more at Chevy Nomad Association.

The coolest station wagon never built:



The '54/'56 Corvette Nomad. More at (Where else? Yeesh!) Barrett-Jackson and Corvette World.

And of course, the one they shoulda built but din't.:

The 2004 Chevy Nomad Concept Wagon. This appears to be from the same page that Mustang Bobby got the Edsel Bermuda.

I think they woulda sold like hotcakes if they'da put a honkin' little V6 in it, but they went with the retro HHR instead. The HHR's OK for an underpowered little sneezer on an existing econobox platform, but I think perhaps old panel truck styling might not have the same cachet as early 'Vettes do. I think they erred slightly by trying to counter the popularity of the PT Cruiser, which got there fustest with the mostest, so to speak. It's getting easier to understand why Toyota is breathin' down their neck.

Let the engineers build 'em, not the bean counters!

Station wagons?

I'm not a big fan of station wagons, though I know a couple guys who built some cool hotrods out of 'em. Mustang Bobby on the other hand ... I agree with him when he says the new 'crossovers' suck.

"A bike that could turn an abstinent Catholic schoolgirl into a nymphomaniac!"

LATimes. Video.

THE Ducati 1098 S is so slick, so fast, so Elite Model beautiful that saints with sinner inclinations should beware.

Ducati's new red-hot superbike is trouble.

For the single month the 1098 S has been available to media, about half of the press fleet has been dented or crashed. [...]

During the two days I had the bike, I didn't find much occasion to go slow, aside from the time I was stuck behind a beat-up pickup truck on my first run through Azusa Canyon. Being forced to go slow behind that pickup was probably a good intro to the 1098 S. One twist of the grip in a straightaway and I was practically teleported into the upcoming turn. It's that fast and flawless on the accel. As I rode up and down Azusa Canyon, then up and down it again, and again and again until my gas light flickered on and a fleet of cops sped by with what appeared to be dollar signs reflecting in their sunglasses, I was alternately shocked and euphoric at the bike's power and grace.

"Objects in mirror are closer than they appear" has never seemed less relevant. [...]

Probably the least practical bike on the planet, but this sled ain't about practical, folks. It's all about state-of-the-art blinding red Italian sex!

Mamma Mia!

Seriously ...

Since I had fun at their expense yesterday, I figured I'd introduce ya.

Click to embiggen

l to r: Indian, Sam, PDB, Fixer, Harry

That's wrecked, that's ruined ...

Well, it seems the annoying blanket ass Indian found this blog. I hadn't told the idiots my esteemed colleagues about F & G so I could say any fucking thing I please nice things about the people I work with and they wouldn't know what I really think about them I wouldn't embarrass them. I said nice things about the little tramp Samantha, and the old dinosaur Harry over the years and I hope they don't think I'm getting maudlin. I even said nice things about that batshit crazy nitwit PDB, something I certainly wouldn't want him to know. Now that's all out the window. Now I'll never hear the end of it from those assholes my cohorts, all happy to know that I don't really give a fuck how close I feel to them.

Heh ...

The Perfect Car

Super Duke

Throttle Jockette Susan Carpenter of the LATimes with a review and video of the KTM 990 Super Duke:

THINK KTM, and a couple of words spring to mind:

Dirt.

Orange.

Not only has the renowned Austrian manufacturer of navel-orange dirt bikes dominated the prestigious Dakar Rally for seven straight years, it's giving the Japanese a run for their money in motocross, supercross, super-moto and every other two-wheeled off-road sport.

The Super Duke is KTM's first stab at a pure street bike. Knowing them, they'll pull it off just fine. Austrians, you know.

Go read and watch. The bike is kinda pricey, but F & G brings you nothing but the finest. I sorta have a lust on for KTMs. The Super Duke is a nice bike, but if I had my choice it would be the 990 Adventure because it's more back-road capable and the styling's more to my taste. What I'd really like is for 'em to hang some lights on the 950 Super Enduro R...

Note to Ms. Carpenter: shitcan the music in the video and let us hear the engine, and what the hell are you doing putting Shell gas in a nice bike like that? Ya tryin' ta melt it? I wouldn't put Shell in my leaf-blower!

Yes, BadTux, we know you love that old KLR. :)

A Well-Rounded Motorbike

I may have found a sled for Fixer! The term 'arrested landing' comes to mind!

The engine is a new 7 cylinder, 110HP radial aircraft engine out of Australia by Rotec. Good site for round motor freaks like me - sights and sounds. I bookmarked it under 'motorcycles'. Heh.

More at The Kneeslider.

What got me going on this was I got my new copy of Cycle World yesterday, and there was a radial-engined bike on the cover by West Coast Choppers. Not the one in the picture above. CW doesn't have a picture of it on line, but there appears to be more than one of these crazy things.

One thing that struck me kind of funny is that WCC had to take the power off the rear of the engine instead of the front and then turn it sideways to turn the gearbox. They thought they knew which direction the engine turned, but when they got all done they fired it up, put it in gear, and went backwards. Oops. Back to the ol' drawing board! From the magazine article, it apparently runs just fine, is easy to ride, and real fast.

I think I'd be real careful about splittin' lanes, though!

NYC Fire Hydrant - 1 Mrs. F - 0

Ouch! She got crowded by a city bus from the left, avoided him but snagged a fireplug on the other side. Thankfully she wasn't hurt. It's going into the body shop tomorrow. $4100 by the way.

Click to embiggen.

Let's see how that little Toyota pickemup (see post below) takes one of these. Heh ...

A little good-natured brand rivalry

An '06 Toyota at Pismo Beach:



To be fair, I also found a video of a Toyota being pulled out of a ditch at Pismo after its idiot driver leaped before he looked, but I didn't wanta post that one!

New Triumph Tiger

I've got a '69 Triumph Tiger that I bought new. The new one has some subtle changes (cough!).

LA Times. Article with video.

With 114 horsepower, the Tiger's liquid-cooled, triple-cylinder 1050 engine doesn't pack as much punch as Triumph's Speed Triple and Sprint 1050 motors, with peak horsepower rated at 131 and 125 respectively. As its name suggests, the Tiger isn't about flat-out speed. It isn't king of the jungle but second in charge, which makes it fun and ferocious without all the pressure of being the biggest and baddest prowler around town.

My old Tiger has a 40HP air-cooled twin-cylinder carbureted OHV 40ci (650cc) engine. It's good for a little over 100mph, which is fine given the drum slower-downers and the tires of that era. It also has some of the best styling ever, and the best sound bar none. It is just plain fun to ride.

The last five words of that sentence may be the only thing besides the brand name the new Tiger has in common with the old one. Subtle changes over 38 years, you know.

It's taken me some time to get used to modern motorcycle styling, but now I like it. This is a nice bike.

There's nothing new under the Sun...

The EssEffChron has a nice write-up about the new Can-Am trike.

But oh my freaking God, what the hell is this sexyugly machoweird three-wheeled motorcycle/car thing called the Spyder Roadster that costs 15 grand and goes about 110 mph and looks like a BMW motorcycle got it on with a nasty go-cart during a lost weekend at a mutant underground design studio in Testosteroneland? I mean, please.

I have no idea if the Spyder will sell, if it's just silly and ridiculous and overblown and who the hell wants an expensive flat-cornering faux-motorcycle when the same 15 grand can get you a Ducati Multistrada and personal riding lessons and an entire suit of badass leathers with enough left over for a delicious hooker-filled weekend at the MGM Grand in Vegas?

Doesn't matter. One look at the Spyder and your brain snaps a few boundaries. Definitions loosen. Possibilities widen. Yes, it's just another crappy oil-sucking vehicle. Just another drain on the planet, another expensive toy for wealthy middle-age Boomers with too little extant testosterone and too much disposable income. I know.

But then again, it might be more. It might actually be just as wickedly hot and fun and deliciously unique as it appears. After all, anything that stretches your brain and makes you consider new possibilities, that breaks old definitions of what the world is supposed to be all about, these things are precious and good. These things are all too rare. This has not been, in the age of Bush and Rove and the sustained, systematic, intentional crushing of independent creative thought, the way of the culture.

Plus, don't you sort of miss riding your tricycle?

Well, kinda. When I was about seventeen, me'n Tommy and Ed ponied up $25 each (a lot of money for teenagers to have all at once back then) and bought a '47 H-D Servi-Car from a gas station that used it for transpo after delivering customers' cars. The thing used more oil than gas. It had a 45ci (750cc) sidevalve mill and would go about 50mph flat out, which was scary fast. At that speed, it wobbled and shook and clanked and mightily protested such a caning. It also overheated, spewed oil, and stunk. It was red. It was the cat's ass, and we were the only guys in town with such a cool beast. Or maybe we were the only bozos who'd be caught dead on it. Don't know, damn sure didn't care.

We took turns bombin' around on it all one summer. It had a tow hitch, so we would tow it to parties, the beach, etc. behind my '48 Plymouth and take girls for rides. Sometimes three or four of 'em at once. We figured out how to get the thing sideways. The bald tires helped.

We actually got chased through town one Saturday night by a local cop on his much newer Servi-Car. We didn't want to get caught because we had just scored three or four quarts of beer and didn't want to lose it. We outran him for a little while, then pulled into the gas station we had bought it from, shut 'er down, and dove under a car to hide. Yeah, like that worked! We looked out from under the car and saw the officer's polished riding boots about two feet away, one toe a-tappin'. He said this: "I'm off Sunday and Monday night. If you guys don't have passenger grab handles on that thing by Tuesday, I'm writin' ya up". And he left. Talk about yer sigh of relief! We thought we were gonna go to jail. We had taken the grab handles off because it looked cooler. We put 'em back on.

If he had written us up he would have discovered that the license plate we were using was off my my little H-D Model 125. Hey, same make and almost the same year, whass the prob?

One of the big deals was the time we parked it in the same gas station, which was right next door to the local hangout, and when we came back, the station personnel had scraped the name of the station off the back. I don't blame 'em. We had acquired a little local notoriety with the machine by then and they understandably didn't want their name associated with our shenanigans. It didn't look very good, so we put our own logo on it:



Sort of a bust, I guess, but we were young and foolish. The little white thing above 'Olympia' was the offishul sticker of the "National Association for the Advancement of Flatheads", Politically Incorrect as all get-out, but hey, it was 1963. I went in the service that fall and have no idea what ever happened to Sweet Betsy the Trike.

Sorry about the wasted space, but I copied it from a very small photo and don't know how to fix it. For you sharp-eyed ol' H-D buffs, no, the photo isn't flipped. All the shit is on the opposite side because the thing was an old police mount, from way before parking meters, and the no-meter maid needed his right hand free to mark tires. Throttle was on the left, gearshift on the right.

I hadn't really planned to tell that story, but it brought back memories, so I'm glad I did. That was the most fun I ever had for $25.

What I was gonna do was counterpoint the space-age Can-Am trike with this Morgan, about which marque can be found everything you would ever want to know at the link:



There really isn't anything new, just modern.

Don't get me started on four-valve cylinder heads...

Where I work ...*

Me: Good morning, ma'am, dropping your car off for that brake job?

Her: Yes, F-man, here's the keys. (She notices Sam putting oil in a motor) Who's that?

Me: That's Samantha.

Her: What a pretty girl. Is she your granddaughter?

Me: You want your brakes to work when you leave here? Jesus H. Christ, I'm 44 years old.

Her: I thought you were Harry's age.

Me: Get out.

*Part of a semi-regular, ongoing series.

We are the machine ...

The machine is us ...

Video courtesy of Dave Johnson.

Cross-posted at the Brain.

Douchebaggery

I was gonna bitch and moan about the idiots on the Long Island Expressway this morning but I was over at our pal 42's place and he had the same deal with the Massachusetts drivers:

...

If the roads haven’t been plowed and are about as grippy as buttery mashed potatoes, and you can’t stop/steer/whatever because you’re going too fast and you sit there gawping and acting all surprised when you do slide to a stop, you are a douchebag.

...

I hate NY 4

Just an update on my tribulations. Harry got his letter yesterday and the same fine I got. As the facility owner, he's culpable in my 'crimes'. So, in one little place, the State of NY made $800. Calling around to others who've been hit (seems all the letters went out Friday), Harry and I got off the easiest. Other fines in the area range from $600 - $3500.

We figure we're safe for 6 months to a year until they decide to fuck with us again.

Arte y Estilo

LATimes

Julio Ochoa Ruelas, a co-founder and first president of Dukes So. Cal, the oldest lowrider car club in continuous existence in the world, died of heart failure Jan. 21 at Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center. He was 62.

The history of the lowrider has been written by men like the Ruelas brothers, who lived the lowrider life and promoted the best of it, even when time seemed to have passed it by. From their base in South Los Angeles, the brothers spent 40 years heading a car club that now has 29 chapters, including one in Japan, and restoring cars in the lowrider style that turn heads even in L.A., a city with more than its share of car connoisseurs.

"Every discipline, no matter what it is, needs some icon to be the one everyone turns to," said Dick Messer, director of the Petersen Automotive Museum. "In hot rodding it's Wally Parks. In NASCAR it's Tony Stewart, and in lowriding it's the Ruelas brothers…. They were the godfathers of lowriding."

The rest of the obit is inspiring. I like this next part:

By the early 1970s, the brothers had returned (from Vietnam - G.) and Fernando had opened Ruelas Custom, which specialized in building lowriders and a variety of other customized work. Julio ran the grocery store and on the side began searching out hard-to-find parts for old cars and supplying them to owners, a task he continued until his death.

"Used to be those guys who worked on the telephone lines or inspectors could see into backyards, they'd let me know what people had stashed … in their backyards or garages," Julio Ruelas once told a Times reporter. "Then I'd go pay them a visit."

By the front door in broad daylight, I am sure.

I'd like to be able to see into barns and garages for old motorbikes as well.

I'm not a lowered-car person, but I appreciate the time, effort, and expense that goes into lowriders. It is said that the "height gauge" used to tell if the car is low enough is a pack of Marlboros, fresh out of someone's T-shirt sleeve: if the car doesn't knock it over, it needs to be lowered until it does.

It's always gives pause when pioneers pass, especially when they're my own age.

I hate NY 3

Remember a couple months back when I got nailed by an undercover NYS Inspector for doing a 'fradulent inspection'?

As most of you know, I'm a New York State Vehicle Inspector. That means I'm licensed to inspect your car for safety and do emissions testing and issue you a new sticker. Every once in a while, the state slides an undercover test car though. Now, I realize there is a lot of fraud going on when it comes to the issuance of inspection stickers and the need for them to do this. For $150 (as opposed to $37 for a legit inspection), you can go into Brooklyn or Queens and get somebody to put a sticker on your car, no questions asked. But, on the day before Thanksgiving, didja have to set me up?

...

Well yesterday afternoon I got my hearing date and description of charges against me in the mail.

I forgot to blow the fucking horn.

So, they gave me the option. The state will be happy to take a check from me for $400 now, or I can go to trial on the two counts (one, not checking the horn; two, stipulating that I did check the horn) and face a judge to try to convince him of ... what, that I actually did check the horn (I probably didn't). If he doesn't believe the line of bullshit I think up, it'll cost me $700. What do ya think I'm gonna do? Motherfuckers. This is easy money for NYS and as I said at the time, I know of 8 or 9 shops who got snagged in this sweep in our area alone. Hope you choke on it, assholes.

Tomorrow morning, I'll learn how much it'll cost Harry.

Update:

Come to think of it, Samantha's probably gonna learn some new words this week. Heh ...

Where I work*

Our intern Samantha's dad dropped his car off for inspection the other day. He pulls me aside and says, "F-man, I never thought I'd see the day when I'd watch my sweet little girl get in somebody's face and say 'fuck you, suck my ass'."

"You're welcome," I said.

*Part of an ongoing, semi-regular series.

NASCAR Nation Overheats

Newsweek

Toyota's entry into stock-car racing has some good ole boys revved up. Will the Japanese automaker take over Daytona like it's overtaking Detroit?

Who knew a Toyota Camry could cause such controversy? America's favorite family car (my em) has the NASCAR Nation all revved up in a heady debate over globalization. When the green flag drops on the Daytona 500 on Feb. 18, a radically souped-up version of Toyota's humble sedan will become the first foreign car to roll into stock-car racing's marquee circuit since Jaguar gave it a spin in the 1950s. And that doesn't sit too well with some of the good ole boys who drive Fords, Chevys and Dodges. They see Toyota as a deep-pocketed predator out to overrun an American institution. "They will use their money and their technology to make the rest of us play catch-up," racing team owner Jack Roush griped recently, adding for good measure: "Americans shouldn't buy Japanese cars."

Yeah, real Americans should stick to outdated junk built in Canada and Mexico. Or the newer, better models designed in Germany and Japan.

It's an excellent article. Please read the rest.

And then there's Toyota's track record to consider. Before NASCAR, Toyota spent 12 years in Indy car racing, winning the Indianapolis 500 in 2003. In 2004, it entered NASCAR's Craftsman Truck series, racing its Tundra pickup. After a slow start, Toyota quickly gained traction and last year won nearly half the races on the circuit and captured the series championship. That sounds a lot like Toyota's relentless rise in the America car market. Maybe those good ole boys of stock-car racing ought to be worried.

"When the green flag drops, the bullshit stops."

Let's see what happens at Daytona.

I get phone calls ...

I get this phone call about 7:15 Friday morning:

Me: Good morning!

Caller: F-man, this is Mr. V. You see I dropped my car off this morning?

Me: Yup.

Mr. V: You gotta look at it. It's shaking so bad I can't drive it. The whole car, the engine, everything is shaking as soon as I take off. Can you figure out what it is?

Me: You mean, aside from the totally flat left rear tire?

Mr. V: No shit?

Me: No shit. You didn't notice it? (needless to say, the car is listing to the left like the Andrea Doria about to give up the ghost)

Mr. V: Can you fix it?

Me: Did you drive it here from your house on the flat?

Mr. V: Yes.

Me: You need a new tire. I'll have it for ya this afternoon.

Mr. V: You're a miracle worker. Bye.

Me: What an idiot.

A word of advice. If your car is doing shit it's never done before, it might be a good idea to stop and look it over before pressing on. Take a walk around your car before you get in it too, maybe?

Ford Escape Hybrid

LATimes

The revamped Escape hybrid gives Ford a much-needed victory. Perfect? No. Revitalizing? Definitely.

Plucky, over-achieving if under-funded, better than it ought to be but not quite as good as it might have been, the Escape Hybrid runs on gas, electricity and no small amount of charisma. Considering how up against it Ford is these days, it's hard to see this SUV as anything short of a triumph. The irony is that this is just the sort of vehicle that can ultimately save Ford.

2008 Ford Escape Hybrid AWD

Base price: $25,740

Price, as tested: $32,000 (est.)

Powertrain: 2.3-liter, inline four-cylinder, Atkinson-cycle engine; continuously variable transmission; 70-kW permanent-magnet AC synchronous electric motor; 330-volt nickel-metal-hydride battery; all-wheel drive.

Horsepower: 155 hp at 6,000 rpm (net)

Curb weight: 3,794 pounds

0-60 mph: under 10 seconds

Wheelbase: 103.1 inches

Overall length: 174.7 inches

EPA fuel economy: 29 miles per gallon city; 27 mpg highway

Final thoughts: Ford puts on its rally cap

My own thoughts: Except for the '57 Ranchero and a coupla other models from way back, I wouldn't have a Ford up my ass if I had room for a boxcar, except for this one.

Those of you who are considering one of these, and you know who you are, go read.

Monster fine for 'Monster Garage'

LATimes

With creations like the "Undertaker" and "666 El Diablo," Jesse James and his West Coast Choppers team have become TV stars and automotive icons by turning average motorcycles into pimped-up machines.

But California air regulators announced Friday a $271,250 fine against James, the co-producer and host of "Monster Garage" and "Motorcycle Mania," saying that 50 of his custom-built choppers ran afoul of California's clean-air rules.

California Air Resources Board officials said their inspectors found that the monster bikes sold between 1998 and 2005 did not have state certified emissions equipment on their exhaust and fuel systems.

The last I heard, the only emissions equipment actually required on a motorcycle in California is a charcoal canister. I think Jesse's sleds are all 'special construction', as opposed to being actually manufactured, so I don't know if compliance falls on him, or on his customers, who seem to get license and registration OK out of DMV. Perhaps we'll find out.

Note to Jesse: use old bikes that don't need any of that emissions shit. Use their titles and 'recycle' their ID numbers to the new bikes. You know how...

By the way, there's nothing 'average' about his bikes. He's a fine metalsmith, and builds 'em from scratch out of flat metal and tubing. I don't particularly care for the 'stretch' style that's all the rage these days, but I do like his minimalist approach. Choppers used to be made by taking stuff off to lose weight and gain speed. A lot of so-called 'choppers' these days are just a different kind of 'dresser'. Jesse stays with the original concept of not having any more than you need to get down the road.

Just as an aside, most bike riders get enough time on 'stretchers' that they don't have to go buy 'em...heh.

I like Jesse. He's probably not what most folks would consider a 'typical' California guy, but speaking with 48 years of experience in the bike world out here, he is.

He has a tattoo on his palm: "Pay up, sucker!". I like that.

To sum Jesse up in one sentence: "Long Beach bad boy makes good, marries movie star." Just livin' the California dream...

Good article. Go read.