04 August 2005


WASHINGTON -- Adriann Nelson remembers reading about the tragedy that took 2-year-old Cameron Gulbransen's life in October 2002 when his father accidentally ran him over while backing up his BMW X5 sport utility vehicle in the driveway of his Woodbury home.

"That poor family," Nelson of Dix Hills, recalls thinking at the time. A year and half later a similar tragedy would befall the Nelson family when an elderly relative backed over her 16-month-old son Alec when he was momentarily placed on the ground.

"You think this can't happen to you . . . you always read in the papers it's someone else," Nelson said Tuesday on Capitol Hill, where she, her husband and three surviving children traveled to push for auto safety legislation sponsored by Rep. Peter King.

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How the fuck do you back over your kid? How the fuck do you put your infant on the ground when there are cars moving around? This is why I bitch at people about taking driving seriously. The shop is a madhouse, we have customers, their kids, their dogs all running loose in the morning as people are dropping off their shit. WTF? In 35 years, nobody has gotten backed over. Well . . . I almost backed over Harry once, but that was sorta intentional too.

You know how many times on my 30 mile drive to work every morning I see people reading the fucking paper as they're driving on the Long Island Expressway? Yeah, I drive fast, but the most I have in the way of distractions is when I light a cigarette. Jesus H. Christ, your car is not your fucking living room or your breakfast table. It's a couple tons of guided (sometimes barely) missile. You can fuck people (innocent people) up for a long time, maybe permanently. If you can't get your morning constitutional done before you get in your fucking car, get up earlier. What the fuck is so hard about that?

Driving is about getting you from Point A to Point B in relative comfort and haste. It is not a prick-waving contest. As I said, I drive fast. Don't bust your ass to get your little rice burner to pass me and then die. I drive 90 mph so long as I have open road. If you've gotta prove your car can reach 100, more power to ya, just keep it up, I'll let you go. If you get it up to 100 to pass me, because you don't like people driving faster than you, and then back off to 70, we're gonna have a problem.

This also goes to the left lane. THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PEOPLE WHO TAKE DRIVING SERIOUSLY! Rule of thumb: If people in the lane to the right are going faster then you, keep moving right until they're not. Jesus fucking Christ, there are a million other assholes out here with you, don't do 45 in the left lane, talking on your phone, playing with yourself, whatever. You're the same people who say, 'look at all the crazy people on this road'. Know why they're driving crazy? They're trying to get around YOU, shithead.

Don't weave through traffic, dickheads. You're not gonna get there any faster and you're gonna fuck somebody up. If there's bumper to bumper traffic moving at 65, be happy about it and stay in line.

Watch when you open your door. Christ Almighty, at least twice a month, somebody gets a door taken off in front of the shop. The post office is next door and the locals come up to check their mailboxes. Look in the mirror before you fling your fucking door open into traffic. You could lose an arm or a leg in the process.

Do not drive fast on side streets. What the fuck is wrong with you people? There are peoples' kids, pets, all sorts of shit. Do you think you're gonna ever have a good night's sleep again if you kill somebody's kid? How would you feel if somebody ran over your kid or dog or cat?

All I'm saying is driving requires your full attention and common sense. The stupid shit you do could ruin a lot of lives besides yours.

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