Where I work* ...

So, come to find out, our little tramp Sam is a practical joker.

To set the scene, Indian is one of those guys who has a chronic 'plumber's crack'. You know, when you can see the crack of his ass above his jeans? So, one day in the past I tell Sam, when she remarked 'I can see Indian's crack', that when I catch him bending over, I slide a long Phillips screwdriver between his cheeks. I didn't think anything more about it.

The other day, Indian is bending over under the hood of a car and I see Sam run to the refrigerator. She puts a finger to her lips, telling me to be quiet. Seems she stuck a wrench in the fridge earlier in the day. She takes the cold wrench and drops it down the Indian's crack. I ain't seen him move that fast since the time one of the auto parts places was giving out free beer. Heh ... Good thing Sam runs faster than the Indian.

***

Next, I have a bad habit, or bad timing, to be the most politically incorrect at the totally wrong time. Like the time I was doing my best mama-san impersonation, "yeah, GI, ten dollah for boom-boom, my first time, love you all night", while the Korean mail lady was dropping off the mail, or I'll go off on some profanity-laden tirade when, unbeknownst to me, a female customer is in the shop.

So, the other day, Sam froze a bottle of Dasani and would stick it down our shirts when we weren't looking. She does it to the Indian and he tells her "I'm gonna shove it up your ass if you do it again". Of course, that's just asking Sam to do it again. Couple minutes later, I see her sneaking up behind him.

I come around the other side of the car behind her and as soon as she drops it down his back and goes to run, I snatch her up and throw her over my shoulder, her ass up in the air. Sam's screaming bloody murder and I say to the Indian as he approaches with the frozen water bottle "okay, dude, stick it in her ass".

Wouldn't you know, one of the little old Russian ladies picks that time to walk into the shop. She makes the sign of the cross and runs out. I'm still surprised she didn't call the cops.

Just another day at the shop. Heh ...

*Part of an ongoing, semi-regular series.

Sorry but ...

Putting one of these on the street is like waving a red flag at a bull.



I see one of 'em and I put my foot to the floor to see how high I can get it to register.

And if you decide to do what this clown did, I'll drive up on your lawn and run 'em over:

The West Salem firefighter found a way to slow down the drivers who cruise through his neighborhood by using life-sized cut-out photographs of his own children, reported NewsChannel5.

If you drive by Mike Wood's home too fast, you may not be able to tell if those images of children are real or just cut-outs -- and that's the idea, because the photos are making drivers slow down. [my em]

...

Listen to me. If a cop gets me speeding, I'll gladly pay the fine. I take responsibility for what I do. If a private citizen decides to do the cops' work, I'm gonna hand him his ass. If you ain't a cop, you'd better not fuck with me on the road.

You got speeders on your street? Petition the local government to install more traffic control devices (like we did in my neighborhood). Believe me, playing cop will only get you hurt, regardless of your motives.

Disclaimer: I do not advocate speeding through residential neighborhoods. I don't do it (I keep my excessive speed for the interstate highways) but I got a big problem with wannabe cops getting their jollies at my expense.

It Should Be Painful To Be So Stupid

After reading Fixers last post I just have to share what just happened here at the shop.
I work with some seriously stupid people, really, seriously ,stupid.

I was walking across the shop when I hear this very loud BANG!
I turned to look and see a tractor truck pulling away from the 40 ft. trailer it had just pulled out from under, with the landing gear UP.
Dumb SOB didn't check the fifth wheel for being latched.
Of course now the electric cable for the lights and both air lines go snap too.
This is just one more for the Bozo's around here.
We had another idjit drive across the yard with the boom up and try to get in the wash bay.
CRUNCH. Tore the front of the building off. Yet another idjit, this time a lady, drove under a conveyor belt 20 ft. in the air with the boom up.
That one was ugly. Twisted the frame and wedged it into the superstructure holding up the belt.
Had to get a monster forklift and drag it back out. Bent a pin for the boom that was 3 inches of solid steel and completely fucked up the boom.
Yep, it's always interesting around this joint, no wonder I drink so damn much.
Speaking of drinking, I am taking a week off to restore whats left of my sanity and will not be anywhere near a computer or phone. I think I am going to fishing in the Columbia river, see if I can finally catch something besides a buzz.
See Ya's in about a week or so.

Things ...

First off, I get a car in on the hook, Subaru Impreza. We've been having some shitty weather here on the Island and the customer said he went through a puddle (it's a Subaru, ain't it?) and it stopped running. I told him "don't get your hopes up".

I open the doors and water pours out. I look over and there's water in the center console cup holders. Indian and I pop the hood and pull the air cleaner ... soaked. Next we pull the spark plugs and a combination of gas, water, and oil pours out of each hole. I crank the motor with a big ratchet on the crankshaft pulley and empty the cylinders, about a gallon of the mixture, onto the floor. I call the customer up and tell him to call his insurance company so they can total it. He wasn't happy but the motor was full and so was the automatic transmission, not to mention the car was flooded up to the dash, there's no point putting a motor in it when it will have electrical problems for the rest of it's natural life.

Moral: Avoid puddles, I don't care what kind of car you drive.

Next, Friday Amateur Hour on the Expressway. Listen, if your minivan is packed to the gills with all your stuff and your kids so it drags on the road, maybe you shouldn't be driving like an idiot on the highway. I can't understand why people who live on Long Island pay exorbitant amounts for timeshares in the Hamptons (we have 300 miles of some of the best beaches in the world), but you ain't gonna make it there if you flip the fucking thing.

If said minivan also has front wheels whose tops point in and wants to pull violently to one side or the other, you might also want to have some front end work done before you kill the whole damn family.

There's a lot of shit you can let slide on your car, but the safety items, brakes, lights, steering and suspension, tires, should never be ignored. A tire blowing out at highway speed or having to stop suddenly with an overloaded vehicle with shitty brakes, can mean the difference between life and death, not just for your sorry ass but for your family or the poor innocent schmuck who's just trying to get home to his family on a Friday evening.

Alternative Engine Equals Direct Current Here.

To start, a tantalyzing snippet;

Motor

Some people find it hard to imagine our car’s Lamborghini-beating acceleration comes from a motor about the size of a watermelon. And while most car engines have to be moved with winches or forklifts, ours weighs about 70 pounds — a strong person could carry it around in a backpack (although we don’t recommend it). Compare that to the mass of machinery under the hood of $300,000 supercars that still can’t accelerate as quickly as the Tesla Roadster.

But more important than the motor’s size or weight is its efficency. Without proper efficiency, a motor will convert electrical energy into heat instead of rotational energy. So we designed our motor to have efficiencies of 85 to 95 percent; this way the precious stored energy of the battery pack ends up propelling you down the road instead of just heating up the trunk.

snip
Here is the link for more about the drivetrain of this electrical demon;
http://www.teslamotors.com/engineering/how_it_works.php

Zero to sixty in four seconds. No blower, turbo, carb,pistons or gas.
It's all electric, and it is bad assed.

The Tesla Roadster.
The car is under production now and they are taking orders for the '08 model.
Two cents a mile to run ,by their estimates, it has revolutionary battery packs to store the electricity that it uses and can create its own by using regenerative braking.
This uses the electric motor to create electricity as a generator and greatly increases the distance you can go on a single charge.
For us older gearheads, remember the old days when cars still had generators instead of alternators? How did we test them?
By hooking up a battery to it and turning it into an electric motor.If it spun, it should generate when hooked up and driven by a belt.
Same thing here, just wayyyy modern electronics governing the input and out put.
Here is their home page.

High Tech Weed Whacker

Direct Injection 2-Stroke Technology

Direct in-cylinder fuel injection (direct injection, DI) is a technology that has shown the ability to greatly reduce emissions from two-stroke engines. In a DI system the carburetor is eliminated, and the fuel is introduced into the combustion chamber via an injector mounted in the top of the chamber’s cylinder head. This allows exhaust products to be scavenged from the cylinder using air only. Fuel is injected into the cylinder later in the cycle, greatly reducing the amount of unburned fuel that is allowed to escape during scavenging. The DI process allows for a locally rich region around the spark plug, eliminating the need for enrichment of the entire cylinder to achieve stable combustion. Elimination of rich air/fuel ratios significantly reduces carbon monoxide emissions.

Snip.

The link.

Gordon?

How long has this been around?

I will admit that I don't keep up with Motorcycle technology like I used to, but I have been waiting to see this for a while now.

Lawnmowers, outboards, yes, even weed whackers can greatly benefit from this.

There are literally hundreds of small engines used in construction, all powering different types of useful devices.

No more choke, no more fiddling with the damn mixture screws trying to make it run right, I like it.

Pane Relief

Just a quick drive by tech tip, I am as busy as a one armed paperhanger in a hurricane.

If your power windows are slow and sticky, grab a spray can of liquid silicone. It is colorless and works great without a bunch of smearing.Spray it in the guide channels as you work it up and down.
It also works well on door seals etc.
Gotta go.

Last Chance Garage

We run into this a lot. A car that's been from shop to shop in the area, chasing a problem nobody seems able to fix. As I said before, we're a small shop (2 bays, one dedicated to NY State Vehicle Inspections). We work by appointment only because we have to plan our time wisely. We also charge a little more because we're good and we know it. We have to be due to the lack of space. Shit can't sit around while we're thinking about what's wrong with it. Cars get diagnosed quickly, parts are ordered, the car is fixed, and it leaves. Most (95%) don't stay overnight.

That said, we get people trying to save money (we're not anywhere near dealer prices and we work fast so our labor comes out less anyway) or time (they can't wait a couple days), taking their cars to other places. Especially true with a service (notice I don't call it an 'oil change') which will set you back $50 in my place. We get those cars back eventually, with a buncha new parts under the hood, with the same problem (so how much did you save getting $19.95 oil changes). We're not parts-changers. We treat a customer's money as if it were our own and they get only what they need.

If it's an intermittent problem and I can't replicate it on command, and I'm not sure of what's causing it, I'll tell the customer that, and ask them to put up with it until it becomes a bit more regular (nothing fixes itself and it's gonna get worse). I'm not gonna throw a few hundred bucks in parts at it, charge you another couple hundred bucks in labor, on a 'maybe it might work'. Odds are, if I can't find it, nobody else will either, with the exception of the dealership. Those guys see the same cars all day long and they know about the little crazy shit that is chronic to the brand. I have, on occasion, advised a customer to have a dealer look at it rather than take their money to do something I'm not sure of.

If you have a shop that does timely repairs at a reasonable rate, stick with them. As I always say, there should be no surprises when it's time for you to pick up your car, and your car shouldn't be sitting at the shop for weeks, 'waiting for parts'. If you live near a major metropolitan area, most parts (brakes, starters, alternators, batteries) can be had within an hour or two. Special order usually takes a couple business days. Cars sitting around in various states of repair don't make me money, neither do pissed off customers who paid a big bill a couple days ago and the problem remains. If your guy required several visits (with requisite parts and labor charges each time) to fix a problem, look for somebody else.

I'm very happy with being known as the Last Chance Garage. It means I'm doing something right and the appointment book stays full.

Its Time Has Come.

World's First Air-Powered Car: Zero Emissions by Next Summer

This six-seater tax, which should be available in India next year, is powered entirely by a tank filled with compressed air.

Barring any last-minute design changes on the way to production, the Air Car should be surprisingly practical. The $12,700 CityCAT, one of a handful of planned Air Car models, can hit 68 mph and has a range of 125 miles. It will take only a few minutes for the CityCAT to refuel at gas stations equipped with custom air compressor units; MDI says it should cost around $2 to fill the car’s carbon-fiber tanks with 340 liters of air at 4350 psi. Drivers also will be able to plug into the electrical grid and use the car’s built-in compressor to refill the tanks in about 4 hours.

Of course, the Air Car will likely never hit American shores, especially considering its all-glue construction. But that doesn’t mean the major automakers can write it off as a bizarre Indian experiment — MDI has signed deals to bring its design to 12 more countries, including Germany, Israel and South Africa.

Popular Mechanics has the full article.

Unfortunately,we will,as usual, be behind the curve on this.
India's biggest car manufacturer has ordered 6,000 of these to debut in 2008.
Ex Formula One engineer Guy Negre designed them and I think we should start putting the pressure on so we could see them here in the U.S.
Zero emmissions. Zero.
The little buggers can go just over 65 mph and 125 miles before a recharge is needed.
MDI, who builds them, is building another car that also uses fuel and the range on those is 2,000 kilometers or about 1.200 hundred miles.

The duel energy engine, on the other hand, has been conceived as much for the city as the open road and will be available in all MDI vehicles. The engines will work exclusively with compressed air while it is running under 50 km/h in urban areas. But when the car is used outside urban areas at speeds over 50 km/h, the engines will switch to fuel mode. The engine will be able to use gasoline, gas oil, bio diesel, gas, liquidized gas, ecological fuel, alcohol, etc.

Both engines will be available with 2, 4 and 6 cylinders, When the air tanks are empty the driver will be able to switch to fuel mode, thanks to the car's on board computer.

The secret, apparently, to this engine is an articulated connecting rod that allows the piston to stay at top dead center longer for the air to charge the cylinder.

You can see an animation of it at work.

I think it's a pretty cool idea that's time has come.

A link to the home page here.

Crash Test Dummies ...

This affects me directly because, as many of you know, I'm a mechanic. When I saw this last night, I could just guess what my day would be like today. No, I won't be fixing any cars, I'll be fielding questions from customers, both on the phone and in person, about the cheap Chinese tires and if they have them on their car.

Federal officials have told a small New Jersey importer to recall 450,000 radial tires for pickup trucks, sport utility vehicles and vans after the company disclosed that its Chinese manufacturer had stopped including a safety feature that prevented the tires from separating.

Tread separation is the same defect that led to the recall of millions of Firestone tires in 2000. At the time, tire failure was linked to an increased risk of rollover of light trucks and S.U.V.’s.

...

Gotta love that 'free market' economy. Fuck all you idiots who spout the Rethug line that "regulation hurts business". Horseshit. Look at the airline industry since St. Ronnie of Raygun deregulated it. Look at the mass media, TV and newspapers, and the sorry state they're in thanks to the abolition of the 'fairness doctrine'. 'Free market' means big business can run roughshod over the rights of consumers and employees.

We've seen it with the food we feed ourselves and our pets, in the medicines we use to keep us healthy, and we've seen it in the products we use and the services we contract for. Big business is using us as crash test dummies and it's time for them to be held accountable.

Too bad the Chinese hold most of our foreign debt. They know we can't push them too hard or they'll call in the note in the worst case, but they do have the power to fuck up our economy royally. Think that wasn't by design? It's time to reexamine the place big business has in our society and in the national discourse.

Great thanks to Chris at AMERICAblog.

Shop lines

Great thanks to the Cheezburger for the photo.

Ha Ha Ha Ha,,Yeah, Right.

I couldn't resist this one. All I can say to this ,is,I know a quicker way.

Tires are comprised of many layers of rubber, steel and fabric. Due to these different components, your new tires require a "break-in" period to ensure that they deliver their normal ride quality and maximum performance. As tires are cured, a "release lubricant" is applied to prevent them from sticking in their mold. Some of the lubricant stays on the surface of your tires, reducing traction until it is worn away. Five hundred miles of easy acceleration, cornering and braking will allow the mold release lubricant to wear off, allowing the other tire components to begin working together.
snip

Where I lifted this;
Must be a filler article.

Something new in valves.

To kind of continue the conversation in the comments on the last post, I googled poppet valve technology and found they are soon to be obsolete if this outfit has anything to say about it;

Art Vatsky, P.E. Explains Coates Spherical Rotary Valve Technology

Coates Spherical Rotary Valve Cylinderhead

WALL TOWNSHIP, N.J.--Coates International, Ltd. (OTCBB: COTE) announced that Art Vatsky, a well-known professional engineer and CEO of Future Fuels Technology, has provided a clear explanation of the company's technology. That independent report is as follows:

"An Elegant Solution for Today’s Internal Combustion Engine Valves

Improved Engine Breathing, Reduced Internal Friction, Lower Production Cost"

George G. Coates, CEO of Coates International, Ltd. has devoted a good part of his career to developing and perfecting a spherical rotary valve to be used to replace poppet valves in internal combustion piston engines.

Snip

You can find the rest of the article here.

This One Is For You Gord

From your comment about my last Alternative Engine post,here is an opinion piece.

The redemption of the pushrod.

Heh ...

Nothing like the look on a customer's face when they say "I'm here for my inspection" and you pull on a rubber glove and say "okay, drop your pants and bend over".

Bad days ...

Thank God they don't come around too often. Yesterday at the shop was a day from Hell.

1. Got a 1982 Chevy pickup with a 6.2L V-8 diesel that needs a starter. Guy wants a new starter, as opposed to rebuilt. Starter comes in, not a factory part but new aftermarket. I rip the old (original) out (heavy bitch) and put the new one in. Connect the battery cable and the ignition line and go to connect the battery. As soon as I touch the battery cable to the negative terminal, the starter starts cranking the engine. Problem is, the key is sitting on the front seat. Piece o' shit starter. I call my parts guy and scream at him. He says all he can get me before quitting time is a rebuilt. "Fuck it, send it," I say.

Rebuilt starter comes. I pull out the 'new' starter (heavy bitch) and install the 'new-rebuilt'. I connect the battery cable and I'm happy because the engine doesn't start spinning immediately. I hop in the driver's seat, put the key in the ignition, and ... click ... click. Piece o' shit rebuilt. I call my parts guy and scream at him again. Can't have any kind of starter until today. Call the customer and humble myself and ask if I can have the truck another day. He's understanding, no problem.

2. 2002 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Needs front pads and rotors. Parts come and I pull it in and start taking it apart. Get the right side done and go to the left. Indian helps me out and cleans the cosmoline off the new rotor ... and finds a crack. Cracked straight up from the hub to the outer edge. Piece o' shit rotor. Call up my parts guy and scream at him again. Gotta leave the Jeep hanging on my lift for an hour until I get a new one.

3. 1995 Lincoln Town Car. Needs a right front window motor. Ordered the part from Ford so I'd get the right fucking part. Part comes and I pull the car in. Pull the door panel and all the attendant accoutrement off, blow the rivets out of the bracket and get the motor out only to find ... Ford sent me the left side window motor. Called the Ford parts guy and screamed at him. Turns out the part was mis-boxed. Apologized to the Ford parts guy for screaming at him. Put the door back together and left the old motor unplugged so Mrs. Y won't accidentally put the window down again like she does every other day and I have to wrestle it back up.

I'll be damned if I got anything fixed yesterday.

An Alternative Engine.

Way back in the 1940's there was a gentleman named Russell Bourke who had an idea.
He tinkered around and engineered a mechanical wonder in his home workshop in 1954.
It is difficult to describe, but I will give it a shot and then point you to some links that has videos and a working diagram that will give you a more detailed idea of his vision.
His engine is a pancake design that has two cylinders . Theoretically, you could marry as many together as you wanted for any type of horse power or torque situation you could reasonably dream up.
The opposing pistons are mated to a single connecting rod with a unique triple slipper bearing. The compression ratio could be varied from 8:1 to 20 to 1! It was tested with several different types of fuel and could run on unleaded gas, diesel, Coleman lantern fuel, natural gas etc. .
The original engine was spec'd at 30 cubic inches and tested at 35 HP @ 5,000 RPM. The emissions emitted were Carbon Dioxide, and water vapor.It could be carburated or fuel injected, run a capacitor discharge ignition or use compression to fire the fuel for diesel.
He built a four cylinder version later that was rated at 400 Cubic inches and was static estimated to put out 200 HP and 500 FT LBS. of torque at only 2,000 RPM!
They were also fabulously fuel efficient, running air to fuel ratios of 30:1 and even 50 : 1 with an exhaust temperature of only 190-240 degrees!
Enough out of me, go check out the website thoroughly, it is flat out fascinating.
Here is a working diagram so you can wrap your head around the design ,and here is the home page, be sure and check out the videos.

I would love to see one of these stuffed under the hood of a car.

I Thought They Discontinued These Things.

Apparently not.





The 2008 Ford Taurus.

Start With A Good Idea...

Then run with it.....









One small bit of advice;
Next time don't wait damn near forty years to do it,'K?





Links to pics,

http://www.allsportauto.com/english/ford_mustang_shelby_gt_500.php

http://www.muscularmustangs.com/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=18&page=5

Are you idiots?

I'd like to know who the genius was who thought this was safe?

SELMER, Tenn. -- Two more people have died after a drag-racing car went out of control and careened into a crowd of spectators, raising the death toll to six, officials said yesterday.

...

There was a guard rail along at least part of the highway but not where the crash occurred.

...

We've been dealing with the street racing problem in NY a long time and are painfully aware of what can go wrong. Thing is, most street racing is illegal. This was a legal, sanctioned event so I ask the organizers, what the fuck were you thinking? How the fuck are you gonna sleep at night with 6 lives, so far, on your conscience?

This accident was a long time coming and as those of us in the business know, racing is inherently dangerous. I could regale you for hours with stupid racing stories of how shit happened at sanctioned tracks.

A note to the person who arranged this idiocy: You have a good cause; next year hold it at a racetrack instead of a highway. If there is a next year. Odds are, you'll be sued into destitution. Good luck living out of that refrigerator box.

Question for the Tennessee Highway Patrol: How the fuck did they get a permit for this stupidity?