05 August 2004

I'm so glad I'm a guy

I say that to Mrs. F all the time. My thing is that a guy was born with all the toys he ever needs. Anything else he acquires during his life is gravy. I also think it's great that I can write my name in the snow and dot the 'i'. The Mrs. sent me this:


Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. (Car mechanics will lie to ANYONE. Trust me.)
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just
too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress - $ 2000; tux rental - $100.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45
No wonder men are happier!

Now I'm really glad I'm a guy. Just one thing I'm jealous of though. In order for me to fake an orgasm, I'd need a special effects guy standing by.

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