Tough day

Well, the Indian is down with bronchitis so it was just Harry and me turning wrenches today. Oy! My ass is dragging. It's like super humid in NYC today and about 90 in the shade. That means the shop was about 100, not counting the times we had cars running on the dyno for inspections. The fans couldn't keep up

To top it off, the neighborhood nut was hearing noises in her car again. I know every shop has one of these, the crazy broad who hears things that aren't there. We feel bad for this one, her ex used to kick the shit out of her and she's a little twitchy. We feel bad, but she's making us nuts. We're not the models of sanity either so you can imagine. If she were a guy, we would have thrown her out already and we're beginning to understand why her ex beat her up constantly. Oy gevult! It's one thing humoring her when we have a full crew, but on days when we're short, the joint's jumping. The last thing you need on days like this is the nutcase coming in, terrified to drive her car.

"It made a horrible noise," she said.

"Let's go for a ride," I say. "Show me, you drive."

"But it made a noise," she said. "I don't want to drive it."

"But you drove it up here," I say. "Let's just go around the block and you point out the noise to me."

"O-okay, if you say so," she replies and we get in the car.

We drive. I don't hear a fucking thing except a great-running Volkswagen. "What noise?" I ask again.

"But I heard it when I drove to the shop," she said. "And it made the noise the other day. I had to go home."

"Well, this thing runs great," I say. "Drive the crap out of it."

"But what if it does it again?"

"Drive it directly to the shop," I reply.

"Can I leave it with you?" She asks. "Will you look underneath?"

"Fine."

"Will Harry and Indian look at it too?" She asks.

"Everybody will look at it," I assure her. "You probably snagged a branch and that's what you heard."

"But you'll look at it?" She asks again. "Maybe it's the transmission?"

Here's where I almost lost it, but I say, "If the transmission made a noise as bad as you say, the car wouldn't move under its own power. I'll call you." And I push her out the door after I remind her that combined, Harry, Indian, and I have more than a hundred years experience in the field. This takes up a 1/2 hour of my time. Did I mention we're a man down? Fine.

She goes and there are ten customers waiting to drop off their cars so I help Harry and Dead Ed the Office Bitch check them in. I get the keys from two of them and tag them, and as I turn around, guess who shows back up? The nutcase.

"I told you that it was a grinding noise, right?" She asks, interrupting the guy telling me about his fucking K-car and the sound it makes.

"Don't you see I'm busy with this gentleman?" I growl at her. Told ya she was twitchy. She starts crying uncontrollably. Oy gevult! Now she's crying and the women standing there are all looking at me with homicide on their minds. I need this at 7:45 in the morning? Thank god Harry offered her a ride home and gets her out of there. Now there are 5 women who hate me and two guys laughing, so what do I do? I take all their keys and chase 'em out. Peace at last. Now I can get to work fixing their piece of shit cars. Harry comes back 5 minutes later from dropping off the nutcase and he's ready to beat the shit out of her too.

PS: She calls around noon and goes through the whole thing again. Took me 10 minutes to get her off the phone and another 15 to get rid of her (no charge)when she showed up to pick up the car, the crying episode seemingly forgotten. We're praying she finds another place to look at her car but you know that ain't happening.

Seriously, and for all you feminists out there. We would never beat the crap out of any woman. You can ask our wives. I don't need you all in front of my house tonight with torches and a noose, singing 'I am woman, hear me roar'.