Honor Roll

Is every fucking kid in my town on the honor roll? Well it sure looks like it judging from the number of bumper stickers going around. Are they grading on a curve? Man, when I was in school, there were 2 kids on the honor roll, a Chinese kid and an Indian kid, and the school didn't waste my fucking tax money printing up bumper stickers for their parents' cars.

My Juvenile Delinguent got your honor roll daughter drunk and then knocked her up.

My moron sold your prodigy crack last night.

My kid beat the shit out of your poindexter.

Those are bumper stickers I'd like to see. And what's with the college shit on the back window? Does it mean a shit to me that your kid goes to Harvard? Not hardly. I giggle my motherfucking ass off when I realize how much you're paying. Aw shucks, that's why I'm retiring to the Loire and you're going to work until you're 80. I know a guy who sent his kid to one of those hoity-toity schools for four years. Kid gets done, looks for a job, and a couple months later tells his dad, 'you know, I want to go to law school'. There ya go, another future bottom-feeder bankrupting his folks. Like we need another fucking lawyer in New York. I got one for my car.

I got no kids, my wife and I are having fun, and I get far more sex than you do.

Yeah, no diapers, braces, teen pregnancy, juvenile delinquency, car, college, and then having them live with me afterward. I can take off at a moment's notice, all I have to do is call the Hound Hotel and tell them they'll be getting the Princess for a while. I pack Mrs. F's bag and we're off. Oh, by the way, you'd better change that diaper on your rugrat. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.