30 July 2007

Where I work* ...

So, come to find out, our little tramp Sam is a practical joker.

To set the scene, Indian is one of those guys who has a chronic 'plumber's crack'. You know, when you can see the crack of his ass above his jeans? So, one day in the past I tell Sam, when she remarked 'I can see Indian's crack', that when I catch him bending over, I slide a long Phillips screwdriver between his cheeks. I didn't think anything more about it.

The other day, Indian is bending over under the hood of a car and I see Sam run to the refrigerator. She puts a finger to her lips, telling me to be quiet. Seems she stuck a wrench in the fridge earlier in the day. She takes the cold wrench and drops it down the Indian's crack. I ain't seen him move that fast since the time one of the auto parts places was giving out free beer. Heh ... Good thing Sam runs faster than the Indian.


Next, I have a bad habit, or bad timing, to be the most politically incorrect at the totally wrong time. Like the time I was doing my best mama-san impersonation, "yeah, GI, ten dollah for boom-boom, my first time, love you all night", while the Korean mail lady was dropping off the mail, or I'll go off on some profanity-laden tirade when, unbeknownst to me, a female customer is in the shop.

So, the other day, Sam froze a bottle of Dasani and would stick it down our shirts when we weren't looking. She does it to the Indian and he tells her "I'm gonna shove it up your ass if you do it again". Of course, that's just asking Sam to do it again. Couple minutes later, I see her sneaking up behind him.

I come around the other side of the car behind her and as soon as she drops it down his back and goes to run, I snatch her up and throw her over my shoulder, her ass up in the air. Sam's screaming bloody murder and I say to the Indian as he approaches with the frozen water bottle "okay, dude, stick it in her ass".

Wouldn't you know, one of the little old Russian ladies picks that time to walk into the shop. She makes the sign of the cross and runs out. I'm still surprised she didn't call the cops.

Just another day at the shop. Heh ...

*Part of an ongoing, semi-regular series.

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