07 March 2005

Crash tests

DETROIT - The Dodge Neon, Ford Focus and Volkswagen's New Beetle are among the small cars that got the lowest safety rating in new side-impact crash tests performed by an independent, nonprofit organization.

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Do I need to say any more than 'duh'? A small car doesn't survive accidents well, period. Basic physics, ladies and germs. If you're in something that weighs 2500 pounds and you're hit broadside by something that weighs 4500, you're gonna be seriously fucked up, I give a shit how many airbags you got. In fact, if I were driving a little car, I wouldn't want an airbag. I'd want to be killed outright rather than have my wife feed me and wipe my ass for the rest of my life. "Look, F-man lived through it but he has to breathe through his ears and piss out his nose." No thanks.

My point is, right or wrong, if you're in a little car, and you want great gas mileage, you're gonna give up some of the safety you get in an SUV. I give a shit what all these consumer reporters say, they ain't been in the business for 35 years. A full-framed vehicle survives an accident (and so do the passengers) better than a unibody. That's why the Mrs. drives an Explorer. I insist on it for her safety, just in case some moron (we got a lot of 'em here) decides to drive into her.

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