I need a car. I've finally come to the realization that I can't keep driving cars that someone's thrown away. Hey, I'm in the car business, I come across cars that people don't want, usually pieces of shit that are headed to the junkyard, throw fifty or a hundred bucks and a little labor into them, and run them until they die. Well, my '89 Taurus died last week and the tow to my house cost me more than I'd invested in the car. You've heard how I drive. and that poor AXOD transaxle just couldn't take the punishment. Blew 1st gear out of it about 20 miles from home. I sure as hell ain't sticking a new or rebuilt transmission in it, I'd rather light my money on fire.
Anyway, all I have to drive is Mrs. Fixer's '02 V-8 Explorer, a fun vehicle to drive, but it is Mrs. F's and if I break it I'm in deep shit. It's also a V-8 and with me driving (30 miles each way to work) it's fucking thirsty.
"Well, Mr. Fixer," you say. "You're a fucking asshole. If you didn't drive all over the place at 80, you wouldn't use so much gas."
And yes, I agree with you, but I've tried to drive slow. It doesn't work. Look, I'm scared of Mrs. F and she can't get me to stop.
So, being the genius that I am, I'm going indestructable. Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have to spend some money on a car. I'm going back to my roots, to the land of my forefathers, I'm going Mercedes-Benz. At least I hope so. I looked at a beautiful S-Class. Not new, I'm no fucking millionaire, but a nice diesel S-Class, well, turbo-diesel, but I ain't sprung that on Mrs. F yet. Gotta do that in person with a martini in my hand and a rose between my teeth. Yup, the Fixer-man is going establishment. But, I was thinking as I left the Benzmiester's place, what if Mrs. F wants it for herself?
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