31 May 2004

JAG Marathon

There's a JAG Marathon on USA Network all day and of course Mrs. F is watching it although she's seen them all so many times she probably has every script memorized. I'm going to head upstairs to make drinks and prepare the caviar. One of our little indulgences, there is nothing better with caviar than a dry vodka martini (and no fucking olives, pickled pearl onions).

The dog is still mad at us because she's still a little damp. But Mrs. F is happy that her little monster is clean and that's what counts. This'll probably be the last for the day (unless something worth writing about comes up) so I'll say good night now.

Pleasant dreams

Don't be a pain in my ass

I have a lot of good customers, most of them really. They make an appointment, drop the car off in the morning, and pick it up that evening. They pay their bill and go on their way. Maybe they throw us a tip, maybe they buy us coffee or a twelve pack as a thank you. Then I have the others, who are fucking pains in my ass.

Yeah, I know there are some folks who are curious and want to see what I'm doing on their car, and I can understand that. There are a few folks whom I let hang around while I'm working, and they know that they can ask questions but they have to stay out of my way. If I'm saying 'excuse me' to you all the time, you're well on your way to becoming a pain in my ass.

If you're hanging around and trying to impress me with what you know about cars, don't bother. I've forgotten more than you'll ever know and eventually you'll begin to get on my nerves. If you get on my nerves, I'll throw you the fuck out. If you talk bullshit and advertise that you know even less than you think you do, I'll throw you out faster. The fastest way to get tossed is if you try to tell me how to do my job. If you think you know enough to tell me how to do something, you should be doing this job yourself, not playing coach to me.

I had one guy, years ago, who'd bring his car for a service and carry a lube chart with him. Dickface would follow me around with his fucking chart, making sure I greased every fucking fitting on the car. Needless to say, I wasn't working for Harry at the time (Harry don't cotton to that shit) and I couldn't just give the guy the heave-ho. The good part was that he'd always stop in before he had to go to work and was always wearing a nice suit (some Wall St. weenie who thought he was better than everyone else). Well, one day I had enough of his bullshit (I had the fucking lube chart memorized by this point) and I 'accidentally' hosed him from shoulder to hip with bearing grease from the pneumatic grease gun. I acted mortified and went to 'help' taking my rag and wiping the grease into his $1000 suit and silk shirt in an effort to clean it. Fucking asshole never came back after my boss refused to pay for his suit, citing insurance regulations against having customers in the work area.

Look, I understand you're curious, but you don't catch me sitting next to you while you work, telling you how to do whatever you do. Show me the same courtesy. If you're curious and want to learn, ask me and I will be happy to explain things to you. Break my balls while I'm working and I'll set you and your piece of shit car on the sidewalk.

Also, If you're cheap, don't expect me to keep your piece of shit running with spit and baling wire and expect it to run like a Ferrari. I'm sorry, but when a car is 15-20 years old, shit's going to break. If you want it to run right, spend the money it takes to fix it or get a newer car. I'm not a miracle worker and no matter how many adjustments I do, or how many parts I replace, I can't compensate for wear. When I tell you the car is tired, accept that. If it blows smoke because the rings or valve guides are worn, nothing I can do, short of an engine overhaul can stop it. If you're not prepared to spring for that, don't complain that I can't stop the smoke or that your spark plugs keep fouling. Cars are NOT an investment, and the older they get, the more money you'll have to sink into them to keep them running. If you're too cheap to do regular maintenance, get rid of it before it goes out of warranty, it'll be cheaper in the long run.

To me, a car is a car. They're transportation and tools. Don't come in my place showing your ass about how precious your car is and what tender loving care I have to give it. I don't want to hear your shit about something of which there are a million more just like it on the road. I won't change your radio station or your seat and mirror settings unless there is no other choice, and I'll put a mat down on the floor and clean any mess I make, I do that for every customer. Your car isn't special, just another piece of machinery requiring service or repair. If your car is that valuable to you, then you might want to take it to somebody who charges a lot more an hour than I do. I won't put a cover on it, park it to take up two spots, wash it, or anything else you anal little mind can think up for me to do because your new Taurus is special.

You might say I'm arrogant but I'm good at what I do, so are the Indian and Harry, and we've proven ourselves over the combined 90+ years of experience we have. We don't need some clown who reads the DIY column in the paper trying to tell us how to fix their car.

I feel better now.

Al Gore's testicles

Maureen Dowd opines about Al Gore's powerful speech at NYU this past week and Bush's campaign strategy. Must read.

And while we're at it . . .

Also from Eschaton.

Lost in Afghanistan

It didn't take a genius to figure out that this administration didn't have any intention of genuinely following through in Afghanistan. I remember the early days of this blog when even suggesting that things weren't going swimmingly there brought howls of anguish from the Righties, who stopped caring as soon as they were given their shiny new toy -- Iraq.


Yup, supposedly grown adults with the attention span of children. Could you imagine what Afghanistan would look like today if we would have devoted the resources there we have in Iraq? I just stole the first paragraph. Read the rest here.

A fitting Memorial

Doonesbury by way of Eschaton. A fitting tribute to those who have fallen in Iraq.

And speaking of memorials, South Knox Bubba has a beautiful picture of the new World War II memorial here.

Campaign Rhetoric

Melanie over at Just a Bump in the Beltway makes a point about Bush/Cheney '04's unprecedented use of misleading and untrue campaign rhetoric in their ads bashing John Kerry.

My personal take on it is this: Most folks who aren't tuned in to politics barely notice campaign ads this far ahead of the election. Those who would have their minds made up now would probably have voted for Bush anyway. Let us not forget, the Republican convention is 3 months away and the election is 5 months away. Bush can go on and on with untruths about Kerry from now until then, but if the situation in Iraq keeps spiraling downward (we'll see what happens after the handover at the end of the month), and more of the Republicans' shady dealings come to light, Bush will look like a guilty man protesting too much. Many folks bitch about Kerry not doing enough to respond to the Bush/Cheney bullshit, but I agree with this strategy. Whether coincidentally or purposefully, Kerry is giving Bush enough rope to hang himself and letting him run with it. One day soon, that rope is going to jerk tight around President Nitwit's neck.

Ladies and gentlemen, and all ships at sea

I hereby declare Shayna the Cattle Dog CLEAN!

Needless to say, Mrs. F and I are soaked, the house is soaked, and my back is killing me. Was this trip really worth it?

Update 10:00 am: The Monster is doing her best to look pathetic. She's Mrs. F's dog and has learned well how to give me guilt. She looks like a drowned rat.

See my post here, here, and here, about the deal it is to wash the dog.

Driving

Just a note on this holiday. If you're going to get drunk and stupid, don't drive. Get a ride, call a cab, something. The Suffolk County PD are out in force already and I'm sure they are in your area too. If not to save yourself from undue grief, think about the poor innocent schmuck with his family in the car that you might run into. Could you really sleep at night if you knew you killed them?

Propaganda

Remember what I said about the Nazis and how they were able to manipulate public opinion so well? Well the Bush League tried to do the same thing in Iraq, but the Coalition Provisional Authority isn't half as good as Goebbels and his spin machine.

Moktada al-Sadr, the radical clecric who's stirring up all the shit in Najaf and Karbala was supposed to have been assassinated. But, as Bill over at Whiskey Bar points out, the CPA (or Bush-Cheney '04 on the Tigris) hasn't gotten a grasp of cause and effect relationships. You're supposed to release the official explanation of al-Sadr's death after you kill him.

The fliers appeared to have been made by Iraq's Justice Ministry or its allies to be handed out in case Iraqi policemen killed Mr. Sadr. Somehow, they were distributed prematurely.


Al-Sadr is still alive and well because . . . well, we can't kill him now, can we? I think these guys watched too much TV growing up. This Iraq fiasco reads like a low budget thriller. Read Bill's treatise here. These fucking guys are rank amateurs. If you're going to assassinate someone, act as surprised as everyone else when it happens. Don't go making up fucking press releases before you do it! Excessive documentation sank the Nazis at the Nuremburg trials and it will sink President Iceberg-right-ahead's ship in November. Dickheads.

Early start

Well, Jimmie Johnson won the NASCAR race and I don't give a shit who won Indy. It was rain-shortened. My boy Rusty Wallace finished 10th in the NASCAR race, after starting 16th and a mediocre performance in the beginning. Being a short track fan, a 600 mile race is a bit long for me, but as Tevye said in 'Fiddler on the Roof' it's 'Tradition'!

Going to Fairway 1st thing this morning with Mrs. Fixer for her monthly pilgrimmage. If you don't live within the NY Metro Area, you probably don't know from Fairway Markets, but it's one of the best gourmet food stores in the country.

30 May 2004

Guten nacht, meiner kinder . . .

The NASCAR Coca Cola 600 is on, so I'll call it a night. I leave Indianapolis at another caution. Have a good night and if you don't have the day off tomorrow the way Mrs. F and I do. Well, it sucks to be you.

Pleasant dreams

Indy

Well, they're finally running and already have a caution. I guess I'm rooting for one of the Honda cars to win because Honda's one of Mrs. F's clients and helps pay the bills around here. Mrs. F gave up on the race and is outside, doing the remainder of the week's cooking on the barbecue. Remember, switch to NASCAR at 5, even if Indy's still on.

Update 14:30 pm:
Fucking thing is Red Flagged, just like I said it would. I guess we'll watch it tomorrow.

Update 16:30 pm: Well, what do you know, the girls are racing again. Remember, NASCAR at 5.

Saddam's Gun

So, Bush has it mounted and displayed in the Oval Office. Theoria over at Daily Kos says it all here. As Mrs. F says to old men in shiny little sports cars accompanied by young women with shiny new tits, "sorry to hear about your penis".

Read the full story here.

Prima donnas

Indy's rain delayed. The track's been dry for twenty minutes and it'll take them another 45 to get the field going. Now they're worried about a weather front 80 miles away. Hello, morons, forget the fucking festivities and get the race going. You've been playing around since 11:00. If you only got so much time, get the shit moving. Watch, they'll get 10 laps in and they'll postpone it until tomorrow. Idjits.

Oy!

Listen to the Generals

Stolen from the Washington Post. This is from a retired Marine 2-star.

The Price Of Giving Bad Advice

By William A. Whitlow
Sunday, May 30, 2004; Page B07


As the war in Iraq drags on, conservative citizens, mostly Republican, face a growing dilemma in the November election.



In the face of growing evidence that the president was deceived and misguided about the cause and urgency for waging war on Saddam Hussein, it is time for those responsible to stand forth and accept accountability. True, the president is ultimately responsible for the actions of his vice president, his Cabinet and the executive departments. But it has become clear that the counsel the president received from the vice president, secretary of defense, deputy secretary of defense and senior uniformed leadership was severely flawed and uncorroborated. Whether the president was intentionally misled by neoconservatives or whether their advice was a result of pure incompetence remains to be seen. The fact is that he was misled sufficiently to require him to take bold action to restore his diminished credibility.

The supposedly urgent need to attack Iraq was based partly on inflated, creative intelligence information, some of which originated with Ahmed Chalabi, an associate of the vice president and deputy secretary of defense. The information from Chalabi led the vice president and defense secretary to believe that war with Iraq would be a "cakewalk" and U.S. forces would be received with open arms. This belief resulted in a fatal flaw in developing a complete war strategy. A principal tenet of forming a strategy -- have a "war termination" phase -- was neglected. Although the tactical and operational phases of the war were conducted flawlessly by superior field commanders, the absence of a complete strategy has needlessly cost lives.

Our service members are the ultimate victims of this incomplete strategy, misguided policy and false intelligence. It is inconceivable and derelict not to have a viable war termination strategy for an operation as complex as a major theater war. America's citizens and our service members deserve far better for their sacrifices. This combination of things -- misleading the president with false intelligence and omitting a principal element from our war strategy -- is reason enough to seek change in the vice presidency and senior defense leadership, civilian and military.

It is our patriotic duty to speak out when egregiously flawed policies and strategies needlessly cost American lives. It is time for the president to ask those responsible for the flawed Iraqi policy -- civilian and military -- to resign from public service. Absent such a change in the current administration, many of us will be forced to choose a presidential candidate whose domestic policies we may not like but who understands firsthand the effects of flawed policies and incompetent military strategies and who fully comprehends the price.

The writer is a retired major general in the Marine Corps. He served as director of the expeditionary warfare division in the office of the deputy chief of naval operations.


Too many politicians forget the First Rule of Warmaking. Let the generals run the war.

Found a new one

Just added to the list, WTF Is It Now? One reviewer calls it "Childish codswallop" and another says "Two thumbs up my rectum would be less painful than reading this site". With reviews like that, why wouldn't you stop in?

A-ha!!!!

Via Eschaton. Time Magazine has an article about how Cheney still has his fingers in Halliburton's business, even though federal law prevents it. Read it here. Bush's Ventriloquist also arranged to have Halliburton receive no-bid contracts in Iraq. Rat bastid.

Nancy on Tim 2

My first take was that it's nice to see a level-headed argument against President No-Show's policies in Iraq. Unlike me, who resorts to profanity and ranting to make my point.

Personally, I like women in positions of power. I like smart, capable women, like Mrs. Fixer. She's not with me because she needs a man to make her life whole, she wants me in her life and could have done just as well without me. At times like these, when I think about women like Rep. Pelosi, Senator Clinton (D-NY), and Mrs. F, I fantasize about what this country would be like with level-headed, competent women at the helm. Like a Hillary/Nancy ticket in 2012? I nominate Mrs. F for Treasury Secretary or Commerce Secretary. I'm aroused just thinking about it. Do you think the Georgetown Wives Club is ready for me?

Nancy on Tim

My girl, Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), on Russert this morning. Gotta watch. I'll have more to say on the good parts later, when I can steal the transcript from somebody else. I like the sound of 'Speaker of the House' Pelosi. Let's do what we can to put fat boy Denny Hastert and the rest of the House Republican Facists in the Minority this November.

Update: Not five minutes in and she's already reaming Bush's ass 60-over. You go girl!

Mrs. Fixer is cooking

Mrs. F's secret (how she holds down a high-pressure executive job for Japan's largest insurance company and manages to prepare an excellent dinner every night after work) is by doing a marathon cooking every Sunday. She cooks and prepares meals for each day of the week so she can just heat them up when she gets home. This way, there's no craziness if her train is late, or if she's just tired. Zip, zap, zing, a hot balanced meal every night of the week. I'm a lucky dude.

Yeah, what he said

Bill's back at the Whiskey Bar with a vengeance. Go read here and here.

Shopping

Well, gotta get my old carcass out of bed and take a shower. Mrs. Fixer and I go grocery shopping early Sunday morning to beat the crowds. I'm sure I'll have more to say later. Remember, racing today, Indy and NASCAR. Indy's (ABC) at noon and the Coca Cola 600 (Fox) is on at 5.

And don't forget, it is Memorial Day after all.

BTW, my mom would have been 81 today.

More Mid-East thinking

First off, have you ever noticed that most of our problems in that part of the world can be directly traced to the British Empire and it's resultant fall? The Holy Land and the surrounding area Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Kasmir, Israel and Palestine, all of these places were once British territories. It reminds me of another place Imperial powers had marched in search of treasure and land, with the same amount of success. Russia.

My German grandfather served in Russia during WW II. The poor man also served in WW I. He always told me that when Hitler went into Russia, he knew it was the end. He told me of the cold Russian winters that had killed so many invading armies before, and how they were unprepared for the Russian spring and the mud when the snow and ice melted. He told me of having to abandon even the tracked vehicles when they got stuck in the gluey stuff. I remember from my military career, at the height of the Cold War, talking to infantry officers who'd said they'd rather go back to Vietnam than have to fight in Russia. While the Mid-East does not have the terrible winters and muddy springs, they do have the shifting sands of the desert and allegiances that shift just as quickly. It might take years, but like Russia, invading armies always end up leaving in defeat.

The crux of the biscuit, as one of my favorite songwriters used to say, is the Holy Land, and if the United States does not want to leave the Middle East in defeat the way the British did, we will have to deal with that problem first. There has to be peace between Israel and the Palestinians in order for us to achieve success in any other part of the region. The terrorists have to be marginalized and as long as Israel is given a free hand to operate with impunity toward the Palestinians, they have a cause to fight for. Have we forgotten who began the Modern Terror movement and why? There would be no bin Laden, no al-Zarqawi, none of the last generation of bomb-throwers were it not for their granddaddy who found a niche for himself. I'm talking about none other than Yasser Arafat.

He was the breeding stock, the man who'd made political-change-through-terror an art form. Everybody else is using a variation of his theme. It's time to force Israel to act like a good neighbor and take away Arafat's reasons to fight. It's time to explain to Sharon and the hawks in Tel Aviv that the $6 billion they get every year from the U.S. will start dwindling if they do not pursue a genuine course toward peace. This wall they've built is abominable and amounts to nothing more than a land grab. One expert said not long ago, that if Israel was genuinely intersted in security, it would have been built within the borders of Israel.

Israel is a Jewish state and should remain that way (no right of return for the Palestinians) but there should also be a state of Palestine consisting of the West Bank and Gaza. The Israeli settlements within Palestine should either be removed or their inhabitants become Palestinian citizens. That is only right and the Palestinian sovereignty issue would be more workable.

With its own army and recognized borders, the Palestinian government would be responsible for terrorists entering Israel, and accountable for their actions. That would mean that a terrorist attack in an Israeli city would be an act of war. I'm sure they would think differently about looking the other way when a suicide bomber tries to cross the border. There should be a Deminitarized Zone, a buffer between Israel and Palestine, patrolled by either Blue Helmets, a NATO force, or some other disintersted party, an Asian or African force maybe. No Americans. Did you hear me? I said no Americans. This would ensure separation of Israeli and Palestinian forces and reduce the illegal border crossings on both sides.

Presdent Inept and his policies with regard to the Isreali-Palestinian situation have made things worse in the region, let alone his blind rush toward disaster in Iraq. We need to change our foreign policy toward the region before we've fucked the place to Hell. We have to be seen not as Israel's protector, but as a moderating force, an equitable mediator by the Arab Street and an occupation of Iraq, similar to the Israeli occupation of Palestinian lands, is counterproductive. We've got some apologies to make, to the Iraqis, to our European and Asian allies, and to the Palestinians and then we have to get to the business of making peace.

You see, I know what happens when people have lost all hope. It happened to a bankrupt Germany in the '30s and it is happening in the Middle East now. As Hitler did, the radical clerics of the Islamic world are promising their hopeless flock a chance. Unlike Hitler, who promised his people their former glory and prosperity, the new carrot and stick is the promise of Paradise and all them virgins. When people are given the promise of peace and a better life for their children, they will put down their rifles and take off the bomb belts. When life is so bad that the only alternative is the promise of Heaven, there will always be a pool of people ready to make the trip.

So I leave with this thought. It's the Holy Land, stupid. Fix that and the other problems in the region will become easier to solve. Allowing the Jews to keep a boot on the Palestinian neck can only bring more problems, not less.

29 May 2004

Good night all

Good night all. Mrs. F just came in after emptying the Monster. We've had drinks, we've had dinner, and now we're settling in to watch the Mets.

Pleasant dreams

Bush out of touch? Nah . . .

Mother Jones has a great editorial in its latest issue about how out of touch President Without A Clue and his minions are.

Who's Better Off?

Even George W. Bush's most ardent supporters conceded that his 2004 State of the Union address was, at best, uninspiring. It wasn't just the president's bizarre inclusion of that most pressing of national problems, steroids in professional sports—a topic that received more presidential attention than the environment or energy policy. Nor was it simply his ludicrous insistence that his tax cuts for the wealthy were creating jobs, or his gall in referring yet again to those nonexistent weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. No, what was most sobering was how out of touch the president was with the problems that America now faces. . .


Read the rest here. Okay, I'll lay off the political shit for the day.

They can't be this stupid, can they?

Logjam at High Desert Skeptic postulates that we are at war in Iraq thanks to being duped by the Iranians. If this is indeed true . . . nah, they're not that stupid, are they?

The WW II Memorial

It was a nice ceremony and it's a beautiful monument, and even though President Numb Nuts was there and actually spoke, I won't say anything bad about him . . . this time. It was a good speech and I chose to disregard any political overtones it might have held. After all, this event was for those who personified honor, country, and duty. My hat's off to you all, and you have my undying respect and gratitude.

10 lbs. of shit in a 5 lb. bag

Well, Mrs. F bought a new bag while she was out and then took a half-hour moving into it. Oy! Is it just my lovely wife or does every woman have hot and cold running water in her bag? I think she has something for every contingency in there. And what is it with the little shits of paper? An address scribbled on one, a phone number on another, old credit card receipts, it's fucking amazing the stuff she saves. Not that I'm bitching, mind you, she's the one that has to carry the fucking thing. But if that bag ever explodes, a lot of people are going down.

Mrs. F also reminded me to clean the grill and get it ready to cook on, so we'll be having the first barbecue of the year this evening. Nothing fancy, just the 2 1/2 of us and a fantastic creation by the Mrs. Unlike other households, my wife does all the cooking, except when she's away on buisiness. I'm only allowed near the grill to maintain it and clean it. Again, not that I'm bitching, she's a great cook and the Monster and I eat well, and she enjoys it. Where I write, her therapy is cooking.

As for my Taurus, I got some 'Rebuild your transmission in a Can' to pour into it. The results were as expected. No miracles come in a can. I was hoping to be able to drive it to the junkyard, but I guess it'll have to be towed. Ah ,it was only $7.00 and worth a try. It's probably good too, because I'd have probably driven the car to work, instead of the junkyard, until the miracle wore off, leaving me stuck again. I guess I will have to spring for that Mercedes. Much as I want it, it chaps my ass to pay more than a hundred bucks for a car, let alone thousands. Mrs. F's Explorer is different. She got tired of my cobbled together cars about 8 years ago, so she gets a new one every 3 years. It's safer for me too, because she'd kill me in my sleep if she got stuck on the road, especially since I'm in the car business.

Lunch!

Mrs. F is home from shopping and about to make lunch. I also gave her access to the blog so she can post. Don't expect her to be too regular, but she does have opinions of her own and I figure this is as good a space as any for her to put them out. She's also a lot more sane than I am.

Come on, Monster, let's see what your mother's making us!

The more I think about it

Washing dishes is theraputic for me. It allows my small mind to wander while doing something mundane with my hands. (Didn't I tell you to get your mind out of the gutter?) Just got done cleaning the kitchen for Mrs. F so she can cook me something really outrageous today when she gets back from shopping.

Anyway, I was thinking, why not split Iraq into three states loosely bound under a centralized government? I realize the disparity as to the oil reserves under Kurdistan (Northern Iraq), Sunnistan (The 'Sunni Triangle'), and Shi'astan (Southern Iraq), maybe we could gerrymander the areas (we're actually good at that, look what the GOP did in Texas) a bit to even out the oil revenue, but what else is there for the rest of them to fight over aside from revenue? Religion.

Boom, there you go. Split the country up along religio-ethnic lines, each state bearing some allegiance to Baghdad, and paying tribute as well. Fuck what Turkey wants with regard to the Kurds, Fuck what we want, worrrying about Shi'astan becoming a province of Iran. It would solve a big problem looming in a month. Who do we turn Iraq over to? It would also show the Islamic world that we actually do want to give Iraq independence. Yep, the more I think about it, the more I like the 3-state solution under a central government in Baghdad.

Ed Update

Another update on our guy Almost Dead Ed. They'll be fitting him with a pacemaker on Tuesday and hopefully he'll be out by the end of the week. We got these cool trick pens that give you an electric shock . . . I bet we can make him look like Don King. Well, at least his hair. Anybody know what happens to a pacemaker after an external shock?

And while I'm at it

Mrs. Fixer is out shopping this morning at the Big Three (Kohl's, TJ Maxx, Marshall's) so I'm laying in bed in front of my laptop blogsturbating (I own this word and I expect credit when you steal it. It's spelled F-I-X-E-R). I'll go surf the Net with my pants around my ankles later, but while I'm at it, I have to say a couple things about this Abu Ghraib Prison (Concentration Camp) clusterfuck.

First: The soldiers who directly participated in the abuses should be jailed for the rest of their lives, period. The ones who were mugging it up for the cameras should face the firing squad, period. The Military Intelligence commander and the Military Police commander should also be jailed for the rest of their lives. The Army commander of the local area should be court-martialed. CINC CENTCOM should be relieved of duty and so should the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs and his Deputies who knew about the abuses. No retirement, no benefits, you get squat, just get out. That's it for the military side.

Second: All of the "Civilian Contractors" who took part and their immediate superiors should be turned over to the Iraqis to face civil justice for their crimes (hopefully beheading) and their corporations should be banned from bidding on government contracts forever, period.

This is the point: Americans don't do shit like this, PERIOD.

If my CO during Grenada, Col "Stonewall" Bryant, saw me abusing any of the Cuban prisoners under my charge, he would have put me up against the wall and put a bullet in my brain himself. No questions, no trial, because I wouldn't have deserved one. Prisoners are prisoners and we are signatories of the Geneva Conventions, and prisoners are treated accordingly, period. This is black and white. It's about honor and if the enlisted pukes abdicated theirs, the officers should have taken appropriate measures. But it seems this whole Iraq mess was dishonorable from the start.

We have to take the moral high ground back, ladies and gentlemen, and to do that, heads have to roll and it has to be done publicly. Those weak apologies by President Spineless and whatever the fuck that was in Rummy-speak won't cut it. Honor, folks, it's something that you learn when you enlist, something you should have learned from your parents. It's about bearing responsibility for your actions and being accountable for them. It seems accountability went out the window in February of 2001.


Update 09:30 am: I realize my conscience won't let me surf the Net much longer without saying something. I must make the distinction between the treatment of prisoners and what happens to the enemy on the battlefield. Torturing prisoners to get information is illegal. That's fine. But in the heat of battle, there is NOTHING I wouldn't do to ensure the survival of my unit. By golly, if I have to take you apart piece by piece to elicit some scrap of information that would allow me to win the battle, I'll do it. If we're both still alive when it's over I'll do my best to get you medical care for what I've done to you. When it's over and you're my prisoner, you will be treated by the rules of the Geneva Conventions. War is ugly, but when it's over, I'll treat you the way I'd expect to be treated if our roles were reversed. Good, now I'm done with this subject.

Car Wisdom

If your 10 year old Nissan Sentra smokes enough to kill every fucking mosquito in Suffolk County and can't track down the road straight because it's been hit so many times, you ought to spend your money on something other than new wheels and tires, a spoiler that would make an F-1 car jealous, and one of those noisy fucking mufflers that make it sound like a can of angry bees. Time to rethink your priorities, numb nuts.

Gestapo Chief Ashcroft

As I've told you, my mom was German. She grew up during the depression, when Europe was bankrupt and in ruins after WW I. Thanks to her and other members of my German family, I got a good idea of what was happening there during Hitler's rise to power and the horrible consequences of that. So when I read this by Melanie over at Just a Bump in the Beltway, many similarities came to mind. Namely how Nazi propaganda was weaved into every statement released by Berlin. Josef Goebbels was one of the best that ever lived (when it came to pure opinion-making and population manipulation) and it seems the Bush administration went to same school. And, like his Nazi counterpart, SS Chief Heinrich Himmler, Ashcroft follows the Neocon Party Line perfectly, shoveling political bullshit in the guise of an anti-terror warning.

The official explanation, that Mr. Ashcroft just wanted to show pictures of wanted terrorists, deepened the confusion. His comments, and those of other officials, about terrorists perhaps wanting to disrupt the election, presumably to hurt the incumbent, were horribly inappropriate.


At a time when public vigilance is undeniably important, the administration needs to be far more competent and consistent — and apolitical — when it talks about threats.


Look, you might think I'm crazy, but from what I've heard about Germany in 1933, the similarities between Hitler's rise and corruption of Germany, and Christo-Fascist takeover of the Executive and Congress in the U.S. are striking. Mark my words, even if Kerry is elected President in November, the Bush crowd will do something to hold power. If there is another terrorist attack on U.S. soil of the magnitude of 9/11 or greater, expect President/Emperor Being-President-makes-my-dick-bigger Bush will declare martial law and suspend the elections "to ensure order at this time of emergency". Guys like this don't give up just because a majority of the population wants them to.

My bad

Just added Jesus' General to the links list. I was remiss in putting him on earlier, but my short term memory is shot. Anytime you want a laugh, read the satire of General J.C. Christian "a 10 on the manly scale of absolute gender."

Why I bitch

You're probably saying to yourself. "Boy, the old Fixer-man is a bigger idiot than usual, bitching about this Memorial Day thing, and Americans forgetting what this weekend is all about."

You know why? Because I dodged bullets for four years in Asia, drug interdiction in South America, and killing a few Cuban Communists in Grenada. I've lost friends over the years, guys (and gals, you politically-correct busybodies) who had the same things to live for that I did, families, hopes and dreams to make something of themselves and a better life for their kids. In short, I hate war.

I am a child of war, but call me the silver lining in the dark cloud of World War II. My mom was a German Army nurse during that war, and my dad was a British paratrooper. They met in Jamaica, Queens in 1953, after dad came back from the Korean Conflict. Yes, the poor bastard moved to the U.S. after WWII and was promptly drafted into the U.S. Army in 1950. They met and married and gave birth to one child, yours truly. In my family, on both sides, going back five hundred years, military service was understood.

I had to be coaxed, at age 17, to enlist (It was either enlist or serve 6 months on a Grand Theft Auto charge). And I'm grateful that my dad convinced the judge to give me a chance to redeem myself. I served eight years total (6 regular AF, 2 active reserve), and I'm proud of the part I played in protecting the country. I'd go again if they'd take this broken down old carcass, and there are many who would also go to protect this country without question. Old bastards like me who love America and would gladly lay down our lives to protect what we have. There are many like me, a couple million of them serving on active duty right now.

They go, without question, to where our leaders send them. They lay their lives on the line every day to do what our leaders say is a noble job. They will do it again and again because they made the commitment, officers and enlisted, generals to privates, they all made their commitments to the noble ideals of the United States of America. It is our leaders' responsiblity to assure the correctness of their sacrifice. People with such commitment do not deserve to have their lives wasted by those who have never looked into the business end of an enemy rifle. Unfortunately, I feel the lives of our boys and girls are being wasted in Iraq, and that pisses me off.

We have a bunch of guys in Washington who've never served in the military. Yes, I include President No Nuts because the only reason he went into the Guard was that there was no other way out. To these guys, the lives of our military personnel are just numbers on a ledger sheet, not exeptionally trained, valuable resources who should not be squandered in pursuit of imperialistic dreams.

Solders hate war. Anybody who enjoys killing, even in wartime, is a psychopath, period. Ask any general if he wants to put his people in harm's way. he'll tell you that a reality of war is that he has to, but he doesn't want to, and he doesn't want to do it frivolously. The glib frivoloity with which the Bush Administration went to war in Iraq is criminal, and the lack of planning for the aftermath is treasonous. I'm sorry, to the soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines who have perished in Iraq, to the families who will have an empty chair at future holiday gatherings, to all those who have suffered because of this fiasco, but 800 lives have been lost for NOTHING. You have not sacrificed your lives to protect this great nation and the Constitution, you were murdered by people who only see your lives as a means to an end. Hopefully, some time soon, they will be forced to pay.

Yes, I am one pissed off motherfucker this Memorial Day. 800 of my brothers and sisters are dead, close to 5000 wounded, for NOTHING. They say Bush went to war to avenge his daddy. Well, I want vengeance for our honored dead this past year. Getting Bush out in November is not good enough. I want him in jail.

This Memorial Day

Meteor Blades at Daily Kos gives his thoughts about Memorial Day this year. I stole the paragraph below, but you should read the whole thing there: Avoiding "Patriotic" Lies This Weekend
More than ever this year, it will be impossible to forget that in several wars - the Mexican War, the Indian Wars, the Spanish-American-Cuban War, the Vietnam War and the Iraq Attack - those dead soldiers were put in the ground by criminals inhabiting the highest levels of the U.S. government. Criminal politicians unworthy to touch the Stars and Stripes, much less wrap themselves in it to bolster their claim of having the best interests of America’s freedom and security at heart.


Criminals is the word. This bunch at 1600, along with their allies on the Hill, have stolen from us, lied to us, murdered our children in an illegal military action, raped our land, and picked our pockets. And they impeached Clinton for lying about a blowjob? Bush and his Administration should all be doing 25 to Life at Leavenworth, and his suck-boys in Congress should be doing 12 1/2 to 30 as accessories. Rat Bastids.

The Iraq handover

Eschaton asks a simple question regarding the Iraq handover. 'Handover to whom?" I don't know where I first heard this, probably Imus, and I agree. Let's pull Saddam out of his undisclosed location, dust him off, give him a shave, and then hand him the keys back. Tell him, 'so sorry about your sons Sleazy and Queasy, no hard feelings, okay?" and split. Hey the Iraqis don't want us anyway, why not make things as they were before we started fucking with them?

Yay!!!! Bill's back

The Whiskey Bar is open again and I'm doing the dance of joy. My days will be complete once again. Yes, sir, I'll take a Jack Daniel's neat and some good conversation.


Update 04:44 am: Bill makes up for his absence in a big way. Read this and wonder just what the fuck we are going to do in Iraq.

28 May 2004

I'm done

See you in the morning

Pleasant dreams

Tomorrow

Tomorrow at 2 they are going to dedicate the WWII Memorial in D.C. All I have to say is:

It's about fucking time! About 50 years too late, but at least some of the guys who fought in that war are still alive. Who in Hell is in charge around here!!

Early weekend

Mrs. F is home early so this will probably be my last for today. I can just imagine how crowded the trains are after my drive on the Long Island Expressway. It's like every idiot with a hole in his ass got out early. The Mrs. will probably not be in a good mood, but I'll do my best to change that. 'Til later or tomorrow.

All in the family

Stolen from Lean Left. It seems that Jeb is just as big a lowlife as his brother.

Florida Elections Now Suspect
by Kevin
Is it too late to give Florida back to the Seminoles? Because, after this, I pretty much have given up on Floridians ruling themselves:



The only thing the bill Jeb signed Tuesday guarantees, is that Florida's elections will continue to be a joke. By taking away the witness requirement, the governor and the Legislature not only made it easier for corruption to take place -- which in itself is a fairly amazing feat -- but they have also made it more difficult to catch.

(snip)

The problem with doing away with the witness signature should be obvious to anyone who has lived in Miami. Absentee ballot fraud has long been a problem in South Florida, with candidates often buying ballots, or worse, stealing them from unsuspecting people in nursing homes and condominiums. A city of Miami election in 1997 was overturned after such fraud.

''If you have the same witness sign 100 or 200 ballots, it at least makes you suspicious that there might have been coercion or fraud and it gives you a place to start investigating,'' says Rodriguez-Taseff. ``Now without the witness signatures, there is no paper trail to follow.''

SUSPICIOUS INTENT

She believes that some of the politicians who voted to do away with the witness requirement, did so with the worst of intentions.

''The only logical reason to get rid of the one and only safeguard for absentee ballots is that there are politicians in this state who are interested in manipulating elections,'' she charges. ``Now some people are saying it is a Republican plot to try and steal the presidential election.

''I don't believe that. I don't believe it's a Republican plot,'' she continues. ``I think there are politicians in both parties who want to try and control the outcome of their own elections and this will help them do that. Rather than allow the will of the voters to be heard, this is a means they can disenfranchise voters and stay in office.''



And that's the point: this law has now made vote fraud on absentee ballots impossible to prevent. No one can trust a Florida election decided by absentee ballots ever again.


Motherfucking rat bastids. If they can't win it, they'll steal it.

Blowing shit up

Along the lines of 'Watch This' is blowing shit up. I don't know what it is, but ever since I was a little kid, I loved blowing shit up. There is NOTHING like a well-placed explosion.

Man, when 4th of July came around, I'd get fireworks from wherever I could (they're illegal in NY), open them up to take the powder out, and then make my own, better stuff. I mean those Roman candles and the other shit is nice, but I go for the boom. The bigger the better. The best is the shatter windows, get the kids off the street, make you pee your pants kind. I don't need pretty colors, nice displays, none of that bullshit, I want the largest explosive force possible to come out of the smallest space.

I tell you, all my fucking around when I was a kid gave me an aptitude for it. When I went into the Air Force, my skill with gunpowder was recognized. I walked around with a woody the entire four years I was with Special Operations Command because they'd LET me blow up a lot of shit. Buildings, vehicles, outhouses, enemy gun positions, man, all they had to do was say 'have at it', and it would be leveled in no time. They let me play with grenades, C-4, and a whole host of things that went boom. I was in heaven. That ended when I went to SAC, where they wouldn't let me near ANY of the nukes. It's not like I would have blown up Ft. Worth, I would have taken it to a respectable distance, like Moscow (at that time it was the Soviet Union who posed the biggest threat), but they still wouldn't give in. Go figure.

Once I got out, I had to make my own fun again. 4th of July was good, but after grenades and plastic explosive it just wasn't the same. Also that a cop lived across the street from me put a damper on the fun. The town also took exception to me blowing a hole out of the freshly-paved street, but I was proving a point to the Indian and about 20 others gathered nearby. They didn't believe my stories of my prowess with explosives and I had to convince them. Even the town guys believed me after that, so did the cops.

A good day was when we had an airbag recall at Ford when I worked for them. We ended up with about 20 that the factory didn't want back. Well hell, we just took a battery, long jumper cables, and all the airbags out in the lot and set them off one at a time. Well, that was until we got the visit from the boys at the NYPD 105th Precinct in Queens Village. Seems they were getting calls about 'shots fired' at the Ford dealer. Some folks can't take a joke.

Harry doesn't like me blowing shit up either. I can't blame him, we have a lot of glass around the shop. There was one time though, Indian and I told one of the little old ladies (a customer) we'd fix her wheelbarrow tire. Man, we tried and tired to seat the bead, but the little wheel didn't fit on our tire machine and we couldn't get it to inflate and seal. I looked to the Indian and said, yes indeed, 'watch this'!

Took the tire outside along with a can of ether. We filled the tire with ether and stood back. I guess we got a little overboard with the flammable liquid because when I threw the match at it . . .

Let's just say that when the wheel and tire combination came back down and stopped bouncing, the bead was sealed. The boom got Harry out the office in record time, and that's before he got his bad hip replaced. He called us the usual names (you're a bunch of fucking assholes) but we got the job done. Got a 5$ tip from the old lady too.

Mrs. Fixer does not allow me to have explosives anymore. She says I'm too dangerous, and fails to realize the years of experience I have. I think she's worried I might blow up the neighbor I don't like. And she told me to take the RPG and rocket launcher off my wish list on eBay. Much as I love Mrs. F, sometimes she's no fun. I guess I shouldn't have made that remark about the ice cream man who plays the tune, the same tune, all fucking day long as he goes up and down the blocks in my neighborhood. One well-placed RPG would quiet it substantially. You listen to 14 hours of 'It's A Small World" or some shit and tell me you won't want to blow something to atoms. Hell, I probably could get him on the next block from my livingroom window. Oh well, I'll have to figure out something else.

Your tax dollars at work

Via Just a Bump in the Beltway. It seems a lot of the materiel WE PAID FOR to rebuild Iraq is being looted.

A quick one

Just one more before I run. I stole it from Eschaton.

Rule of Law

Well, if the Attorney General feels no need to obey the law, why should we?

Some allies of the Department of Homeland Security within the Bush administration and members of Congress criticized Attorney General John D. Ashcroft yesterday for issuing terrorist threat warnings at a news conference on Wednesday, contending he failed to coordinate the information with the White House and with Homeland Security, which has the job of releasing threat warnings.

...

Under the Homeland Security Act of 2002 and Bush administration rules, only the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) can publicly issue threat warnings, and they must be approved in a complex interagency process involving the White House. Administration officials sympathetic to Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said he was not informed Ashcroft was going to characterize the threat in that way -- an assertion that Justice officials deny.





-Atrios 11:21 PM


Looks like it's turning into a pissing contest between HSA and DoJ. Ashcroft's a Nazi and Ridge is a buffoon. Oy!

Friday, Friday, Fri-day!

I love Fridays, especially when Mrs. Fixer gets out early from work, especially when it's a 3-day weekend. Remember what I said about this being a special weekend.

Anyway, I'm off to the mines. For those who are interested, Mrs. F seems receptive to me buying the Mercedes I fell in love with at The Benzmeister's place yesterday.

A thought before I go. Just because I'm a godless, left-wing, commie-pinko, baby-killing nut, doesn't mean that I don't like Republicans. The problem is that many true Conservative Republicans are being smeared by the Christo-Fascist brush. I have the greatest respect for Senators McCain, Ben 'Nighthorse' Campbell, and John Warner.

Democratic Veteran illustrates how Warner stands up for his principles and for what's right, no matter what the Neocon idiots say.

With that, have a good day!


Update: Also at Dem Vet. What did they say about Nixon? It's not the crime, it's the cover up that brings you down. I do believe we have a cover up on our hands.

27 May 2004

Good Night

Well, Mrs. F just called and said she was on the early train so I gotta get moving. Tomorrow is FRIDAY and I'm doing the dance of joy. See you in the morning.

Pleasant dreams

The new car . . . maybe

I need a car. I've finally come to the realization that I can't keep driving cars that someone's thrown away. Hey, I'm in the car business, I come across cars that people don't want, usually pieces of shit that are headed to the junkyard, throw fifty or a hundred bucks and a little labor into them, and run them until they die. Well, my '89 Taurus died last week and the tow to my house cost me more than I'd invested in the car. You've heard how I drive. and that poor AXOD transaxle just couldn't take the punishment. Blew 1st gear out of it about 20 miles from home. I sure as hell ain't sticking a new or rebuilt transmission in it, I'd rather light my money on fire.

Anyway, all I have to drive is Mrs. Fixer's '02 V-8 Explorer, a fun vehicle to drive, but it is Mrs. F's and if I break it I'm in deep shit. It's also a V-8 and with me driving (30 miles each way to work) it's fucking thirsty.

"Well, Mr. Fixer," you say. "You're a fucking asshole. If you didn't drive all over the place at 80, you wouldn't use so much gas."

And yes, I agree with you, but I've tried to drive slow. It doesn't work. Look, I'm scared of Mrs. F and she can't get me to stop.

So, being the genius that I am, I'm going indestructable. Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have to spend some money on a car. I'm going back to my roots, to the land of my forefathers, I'm going Mercedes-Benz. At least I hope so. I looked at a beautiful S-Class. Not new, I'm no fucking millionaire, but a nice diesel S-Class, well, turbo-diesel, but I ain't sprung that on Mrs. F yet. Gotta do that in person with a martini in my hand and a rose between my teeth. Yup, the Fixer-man is going establishment. But, I was thinking as I left the Benzmiester's place, what if Mrs. F wants it for herself?

This Weekend

If you're a car guy (or gal. Pardon me, you politically correct busybodies, but I use the term 'guy' for everybody, regardless of gender. Get over yourself.) you know that the NASCAR Coca Cola 600 is this weekend, along with the Indianapolis 500. If you have to choose, watch the NASCAR event. It's better than watching those whiny Indy car prima donnas (almost as bad as the F-1 girls. Schumacher wins again, no shit), although NASCAR is developing it's own crop of whiny bitches (Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart, Kurt Busch, and others).

Anyway, while you're watching your sports, stuffing your face and swilling alcohol at your barbecue (not that it's a bad thing), pulling your dick, whatever, remember the reason for this three day weekend. Remember that without the people in uniform who've made the ultimate sacrifice, you wouldn't have half of what you do. I'm not asking you to do anything but remind yourself and your rotten kids that this weekend isn't just another excuse to get drunk and stupid in the backyard (not that it's a bad thing). And remind yourself and your ankle-biters that there are guys making that sacrifice as we speak. Guys like me and Harry are lucky, we made it through Hell and back with our skins and our minds intact (Mrs Fixer and Mrs. Harry might disagree with the minds part), but there are a bunch of guys in Bethesda and Walter Reed, and the local VA Hospitals, who barely got out of Hell with their lives, but parts of their bodies and minds remain behind. Honor them this weekend as well. Raise the glass in toast to our honored dead, or go volunteer at your local VA if you're so inclined, but most of all just remember. You don't want Harry, Indian, and me to come to your house and make you remember, do ya?

Help John Kerry if you can

Remember, it's John Kerry Thursday over at Eschaton. Give if you can.

A few more steps down . . .

And we'll be just like Saddam. A Brooklyn Bridge shows how we are using almost the same tactics he did toward his people.

K-cars

Remember the Chrysler, Plymouth, Dodge, Eagle K-cars? The mid-'80s to mid-'90s Acclaims, Reliants, and Summits? Well, today was K-car day, about 15 of our customers own them and they're making me CRAZY. They're all at the age where anything that can break, will. The cars, not the customers, although most of them are old too. It's tough telling a little old lady that the car was crap when it was new and it's gotten steadily worse from there. The 2.2/2.5L engines had crap cylinder heads when they rolled off the assembly line (the cams wore out quicker than shit) and now they're starting to spit rockers. They make a wicked dent in the oil baffle inside the valve cover, but we've been managing to slip the damn things back in and keep the cars running.

I feel bad for the old folks because they're trying to keep the car going as long as they do. Judging from the looks of them in both cases, it won't be too long. Some of our customers are OLD. So, if your K-car sounds like a diesel, get rid of it or expect problems.

My friend said . . .

Another easy way to piss off your mechanic is to come off with this line: "My friend, who knows about cars, told me this or that is the problem. How much does it cost to replace?"

If your friend knows so much, why isn't his ass doing the work? You know why? Because your friend doesn't know shit compared to me and you realize this. If your friend had 35 years in the business, he'd have his own place, not be working in some office pushing paper. Do me a favor, spare me his fucking comments because, odds are, he's wrong.

Auto repair is no longer the realm of the DIY guys on the weekend, 30 years ago, yeah, but now it's best left to professionals. No longer can you listen to a car run and diagnose it. A '71 Chevy, yeah, I can tell you what is wrong with it as it drives by at 40 mph. An '01 Chevy, I'd be lying to you if I said I could. In fact, if your late model car is running like shit, I'll refrain from making a diagnosis before I got a chance to see what the computer is seeing. Obvious (broken vacuum line or wire) is one thing, but if it's a failed sensor, I want to know exactly what it is before I waste your money throwing parts at a car. Hell, a low voltage condition (bad battery or alternator) can make the car's computer act real stupid, causing false problems. I could replace 2000 bucks worth of sensors and signal generators and still not fix the problem. Hell a broken ground wire can make the car run like everything in it is coming apart, if you don't know what to look for (there are about 20 ground locations throughout the average car), you can change parts all day and still not fix the problem. Even worse than spending your money like a convict in a whorehouse, is that the problem keeps coming back. My reputation depends on shit being fixed right the first time. We're too small a shop to have dissatisfied customers.

My point is that cars are complicated and Harry sends us to schools regularly to keep up with changing technology. He also spends tens of thousands of dollars on the best diagnostic equipment so we can do our work to the best of our abilities. I probably have as much time in a classroom as a Masters Degree candidate, does your friend? Tell him to work on his own car if he wants, but you're taking yours to someone who knows what he's doing. Me. It's a lot cheaper in the long run.

P.S. If you checked with your friend, because you realize that you know even less about cars than he does, to avoid getting ripped off, well as I said, I have 35 years in almost every part of this business, how are you or your friend going to know? As I always say, find a guy you can trust and stick with him. And trust him for Pete's sake. And regular maintenance and service is good insurance against catastrophic breakdowns. Off to the shop, have a good Little Friday!

Good Morning!

God I love Fleet Week! I'll be back later, gotta take Mrs. F to the station.

26 May 2004

I'm done

Well, enough of my crap for one day. A reminder to anybody who's got money to throw at politics, Eschaton has John Kerry Thursdays. Go see them tomorrow.

Gotta get Mrs. F. It's raining so the train will probably be late. I love the LIRR.

Pleasant dreams.

Watch This!

Indian and I were talking about that phrase and how it is the precursor to bad things happening. You know, you say, "Watch this!" as you put out the barbecue by unrinating on it. By golly, the stench woke Mrs. F up from a sound sleep when I walked in the door. It had the same effect on Mrs. Indian when he went home. Who knew it would make that much steam?

Or you say "watch this" as you light the flammable, atomized atmosphere you created in the bathroom with copious amounts of BrakeKleen, WD-40, and other aerosols that shall remain nameless. Man, you could smell it coming out of the bathroom door in the shop, the one we had wedged shut with the salesman inside. I took out my lighter and held it to the crack in the door. Indian said, "Do you think it will light?" And I said, say it with me now. "Watch This!" Man, the look on that guy's face when we opened the door after the explosion. He still had his pants around his ankles but not a hair was left on him. Like I said, bad things happen.

Then there was the day one winter when Indian hotrodded this little snowblower. He's outside with this thing that sounded like an Indy car. (My pal drilled out the carb jets and the thing revved like a sumbitch) I came out of the shop, because one of us was doing serious work, just as the village code enforcement guy pulled up across the street. He got out of the car, leaving the window open, and went up the block. Indian turns to me and says, you guessed it, "watch this" and jams the Indy car into a pile of snow. I tell ya, the driver's seat was filled up to the dashboard in seconds, fast enough for Indian and me to go inside and act like we were working when the cop came by to ask who the smartass was. Bad things.

And did you ever notice how alcohol and "Watch This" go together? It's a good thing Indian and I don't live across the street from each other anymore. That time we were chopping (well, Indian was chopping) wood for the potbelly stove he has in his garage. Indian was chopping and we both were drinking. Well, it was the middle of winter and we were cold. Why the hell do you think we were chopping the wood? The wood was pretty green and wet too (more on that later). One piece wouldn't sit up straight and kept falling over before he could split it with the axe. (Yes, two drunken assholes playing with an axe.) So what do I say (rather than get a different piece of wood)? that's right, "watch this".

So I held the piece straight with my index finger much like an NFL placekick holder does. Indian swung the axe and the wood split. I tell you what, bad things almost happened there but all ten are still attached. I'm NEVER doing that again.

More on the green, wet wood. Got to get it to burn right? What in Hell did I just put my index finger on the line for? Do we have a little kindling? Nah, far be it for us to plan that far ahead, but it is the Indian's garage. We got chemicals! From the people who brought us Napalm, we got WD-40, BrakeKleen, and those other unnamed chemicals. Believe it or not, we didn't pee in it. Man, all I can say is thank God the stove was thick cast iron. When we threw that fucking match in . . . bad things. The upside was that the flue had been dirty with creosote, an inherently unsafe condition. Well, that blue fucking flame that howled out of there a foot and a half high blew that all out. Clean as a whistle after we let it cool off and took a look. We still can't figure out why the neighbors were getting their house pressure washed the next day. The garage got warm too and we drank more beer.

Just a little advice from someone who's been there. When some nitwit calls your name and says "Watch This", run like a motherfucker. If you hear Indian and me calling your name, shoot us both.

Ed update

As I mentioned previously, Almost Dead Ed, our office weenie is in the hospital.

Monday, 24 May 2004

On a personal note: Almost-Dead Ed, our admin guy (Office Bitch) went back into the hospital this weekend. He's suffering from Scleraderma (sp?), terminal unfortunately hence the nickname. He's in Stage III of the disease and his breathing has been getting worse. This sucks because it's increased the workload for the Indian and me, having to answer the phone and make out bills when Harry isn't around. We're trying to figure a way to hook Ed up to a machine in the office so he can resume his duties. Don't look at me like that, good help is hard to find and we're going to get all we can out of him. The slacker, hanging around with pretty nurses. Oy!!! To be serious for a minute, not many people would come to work in the condition he's been in over the last couple years and to say Ed is inspiring doesn't do him justice. I am constantly impressed with his work ethic and his determination and I am privileged to call him a friend. Feel better and hurry back you belligerent old bastard. Mrs. F made chocolates for ya!


Well, they got him stable and an IV of something or another in his arm. They're going to try and treat his symptoms with prescription meds so he can go home. We can't wait to spring him because Indian and I have to answer the phones and make bills while the slacker is lying in the hospital. Shit, we could have hooked him up with an IV in the office and he could have been working the last couple days. Some people. Sheesh. Anyway, we actually do wish him well and hope he gets better soon. Work's piling up, Ed. Oh, and the chocolates, well . . . Harry ate them all. Sorry, but never forget, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. See ya soon, pal.

Fleet Week

Mrs. Fixer just reminded me via email that it is Fleet Week here in NYC. This is to give me the heads up that she will be especially amorous tonight. Mrs. F digs a guy in uniform and there's a bunch of sailors running around the city. Even though I'm an old wing wiper, I do have to admit that nothing beats Navy Dress Whites. The Jarheads have nice dress uniforms too.

This brings me to another subject, somewhat related. Mrs. F loves watching JAG and Navy NCIS. I have opinions about all these shows about the squids, but that's for another day. My point was that because Mrs. F watches them religiously, so do I and last Friday's JAG was the season finale.

I always liked the character of Admiral Chegwidden, reminding me of some good COs I had, guys you'd walk into Hell with because you knew they'd lead you back out the other side. Now, in the finale, the Admiral retired and I'm sad to see him go, but, I have an idea for the show that I'd like to see.

Bring back Alison Krennick! And bring back Andrea Thompson to play her. Yowza, talk about a woman who looks good in uniform. (We had a saying when I was in: 98% of the women in the world were beautiful and the other 2% were in the Air Force.) They could do it for me, since I don't work in NYC and get to look at the young ladies in dress whites as Mrs. F watches the men. I'd be appreciative, Mr. Bellisario.

The good thing is, a lusty Mrs. F is coming home to me. Eat your heart out, Officer-boy!

No shit

MSNBC Breaking News

Ashcroft says 'credible' al-Qaida threat to U.S. in 'next few months.' -
Attorney General John Ashcroft says there's "credible intelligence" that al-Qaida plans an attack in the U.S. "in the next few months."


No shit, Sherlock. But does Gestapo Chief Ashcroft have any specifics? No. I thought this Homeland Security Administration was supposed to be a clearinghouse to sort intelligence and get it to the proper agency? What in Hell has the FBI been doing over the last 21/2 years? You should see Attorney General I-lost-my-senate-seat-to-a-dead-man and the buffoon HSA Chief Tom Ridge up there telling us about these new guys that are trying to kill us. Assholes. We ain't even found the old guys yet and we have new ones to worry about? I'm just praying I'm within the blast radius when NYC goes up in a mushroom cloud. After serving in SAC for two years, I know too well about the effects of radiation sickness. I live and work too close to get away unscathed, or even injured and live, It's just a matter of how fast I go and how much I suffer in the interim. I'd rather be vaporized in the initial blast, thank you. And Bush actually thinks we're safer now after he's pissed off everybody in the world. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if the Frogs and the Krauts want to nuke us. How did this moron get elected?


Update 15:03; Kevin at Lean Left delves a little deeper into how Bush is losing the War on Terror.

The Iraq handover

You know, I used to have the utmost respect for Colin Powell. That is before he got involved with this bunch in the White House. He's turned into a lying sack of shit like the rest of them at 1600. Kicking Ass points out how quickly our SECSTATE can change his position. Like Bush, he'll say whatever he thinks his audience wants to hear, but when pressed the answer changes.

Rat bastards.

Ask me, please

When buying a used car, bring it to your mechanic before you buy the goddamn thing. I had to tell a good customer today that the 1989 F-250 he bought recently requires thousands of dollars to make it inspection-legal. The dipshit who owned it before him wanted to make it more hi-performance, so he ripped off all the emissions shit (air pump and accoutrement), replaced the factory exhaust with headers, and threw the catalytic converters away. He also replaced the Ford original equipment carburetor with a big ol' Carter AFB, good carbs but not the cleanest running units in the world. My customer bought the vehicle "as is" and has little recourse with the previous owner. So it's either pay me big bucks to restore the vehicle to its original configuration, or register it in a state without emissions laws. Good luck finding one of those in the New York Metro Area.

One of my rules you should write down. When buying any used car, have your guy check it out first before you lay down a dime. It'll save you in the long run.

I'm off

The dog's empty and I'm off to the mines. I'm sure I'll have something to say when I get back. If you need something to look at until then, start going through my link list. I guarantee one or more of those folks will stimulate you.

Later . . .

So, they're expecting another attack

Democratic Veteran has something to say about the increased terror risk as we go into the summer. This is especially worrisome for us in the NY Metro area because we're hosting the Nazi Party rally er . . . Republican Convention this year. It's even more worrisome to me because Mrs. Fixer's office overlooks Ground Zero (Top floor of the Merrill Lynch Building, the one with the dome). 9/11 was not the best day for us, though she made it out safe and sound, quite a number of friends and acquaintences didn't.

Thanks to President Draft-Dodger, New York City has been screwed out of millions in 9/11 funds earmarked for first responders. Could it be that NYC votes overwhelmingly Democratic? Explain to me, President I-take-care-of-my-campaign-contributors, how NYC gets less 9/11 money per person than Zanesville, Ohio? (No disrespect to Ohio, we have quite a few wonderful friends there, but where do you think Osama has his sights?) Is that because you need to carry Ohio in order to win in November? You rat bastid!

Changes 2

So how do you like it? I know, with the pastel colors and shit it looks a little gay, but even The Fixer has to get in touch with his feminine side every now and then. (Personally, I like touching myself, but that's another story.) But it's easier to handle in terms of HTML and easier for my old eyes to read.

25 May 2004

Changes

Just a note before I go beddy-bye. I'm going to be changing the look of the blog just a bit, using a template that's more in line with my HTML skills. (Minimal at best.) While this setup looks pretty good, I think, it's a pain in my ass to keep the links arranged and shit.

Wish me luck.

Nitey-Nite

I'm probably done for the night. Gotta take a shower and then get Mrs. F at the station.

Wash the dog?

What? I can't hear you. Wash what?

Pleasant dreams.

Fast Food Rambo

As I've mentioned previously, I work with the Indian. Now, he and I have known each other a long time, from when we were crazy young men. Mrs. Indian is a good, patient woman too, just like Mrs. Fixer is. Indian and I do a lot of things well together, namely fix cars and drink, but other stuff too. No, not THAT stuff, get your mind out of the gutter.

Anyway, since I've known him, he hasn't had any luck in fast food places. Never, nowhere, nohow, he always runs into . . . communications . . . problems with the hired help at Mickey D's or Taco Hell. Well, last night was no different.

The mistake was made when Mrs. Indian let him go out without adult supervision and was exacerbated when the confused trainee at Wendy's who spoke no English was fucking everyone's order to Hell.

Unbelievably, the Garden City Police didn't push the issue after escorting him out, stressing he shouldn't be using the F-word at the top of his lungs in front of families eating their dinner. Also unbelievably, he actually got his stuff, including the two sodas that he didn't want and were the spark that ignited the powderkeg. Luckily for him he did, or Mrs. Indian would have stapled his testicles to the wall when he finally got home an hour later.

So, now my dear friend can't go for fast food without Mrs. Indian present. (She informed me that I don't qualify as adult supervision, go figure. BTW, Mrs. F agrees with Mrs. I.) And he's only allowed to go to the drive up when they do. How quickly she forgets the incident in another Wendy's one night when he had the drive-thru guy yanked through the little window and halfway into his car. Ha, this should be good.

Translation

South Knox Bubba translates President Trust-me-I-know-what-I'm-doing's speech from last night. It gave me a good laugh. Bubba's truly an enlightnened soul. Ha!

And yes, this will be my last political post for the day. You're welcome!

Thanks a fucking lot

Just A Bump In The Beltway says that the Iraq War is costing each household $4000. Let's see, you cut federal taxes and my state and local taxes went up because you cut funds to the states. Now I'm 4000 bucks deeper in debt? Thanks a fucking lot for that 300 bucks a couple years back, that sure made a dent in my expenses. What kind of tax cut did your corporate donors get, Mr. Bush? Are the big shits at the pharmaceutical and oil companies worried about how they're going to put gas in their limos? I thought you and Prince Bandar are butt-buddies? Fucking asshole. I can't wait until November so these motherfuckers stop picking my pocket.

Your Parts vs. My Parts

Man, don't go buying parts in order to save a buck and expect me to put them on for you. Harry had to deal with this today and it took him 20 minutes to get it through the guy's head. We're a small shop:

Harry-HMFIC*
Indian-Technical Genius
Almost Dead Ed-Office Bitch**
Me-Technical Genius #2

That's it, us and 2 bays, one (thanks to the New York State Vehicle Emissions Inspection Program) holds a dyno. Shit we do has to be coordinated around vehicle inspections. We don't deal in volume, a quality vs. quantity thing, we deal in good work done right the first time and we make our money on labor and the markup we get on parts. You bring your own parts, we're losing money. Green is the primary reason I don't want you bringing your parts for us to put on.

Secondary is warranty considerations. What if one of those parts is defective? Are you going to bring your car to me so I can remove said defective part? Are you then going to take said defective part back to where you got it without your car running because said part isn't installed, or am I supposed to go through that hassle for you? If you expect me to, where the hell am I supposed to recoup the time lost as I run around for a fucking hour or two? You? I don't think so or you wouldn't have brought me these cheap fucking piece of shit parts to install.

Next, do your crap parts even fit? Did the spooge at No Name Auto Parts give you the right shit to begin with? I guess, since you dropped off your car this morning and expect it this evening, you expect me to go to No Name and choke the spooge until he does give me the right shit. No shit, you cheap prick.

And lastly, who's doing my work while I'm running around? Certainly not you or you'd be doing this shit yourself and I wouldn't have to be bothered with your cheap piece of shit car in the first place.

I feel better now.

*Head Motherfucker In Charge
** Ed's on the Disabled List. Read this to find out why.

The Vet calls it right

Democratic Veteran sums it up nicely here. FYI, Scott McClellan is President Nitwit's Press Secretary. The FARTHEST thing from a general if there ever was one.

Open the Bar

It's tough for a Blogaholic when the Whiskey Bar is closed. I'm peeking in the window(namely at the Jack Daniel's bottles), looking depressed. Where's Bill? Don't tell me this recent trip to Jordan burned him out? I shot him an email a couple minutes ago and I hope I hear back. It's been four days since he's posted and the DT's are starting. Oy!!!

Now I'm late, BTW.

President Butt-head's speech

I did as promised and watched DS9 and TNG before going to sleep, blowing off Cheney's hand-puppet. Glen over at A Brooklyn Bridge sees it going along the same lines I do after watching the lowlights this morning.

Well, gotta empty the dog and get ready for work. (The dog still hasn't been washed. Don't ask.) More later. Have a good day, folks!

24 May 2004

While I'm fired up

While in this political bent this afternoon, I urge you to become a regular reader of Maureen Dowd at the NY Times. I think you might have to register to read her stuff, but it's free and well worth the few seconds to give them your damn email address. I love this woman.

Speaking of women I love, I gotta get Mrs. Fixer at the train station. I might pull another post out of my ass this evening but if I don't, have a good night!

Be careful what you wish for . . .

Daily Kos has a story about how the Republicans can't handle all that power.

They've held the Executive and both Houses of Congress for the last four years and they've run the country into the ground. Sorry, assholes, can't blame this on Slick Willie!

The President on TV

President I'm-fucking-up-the-nation will be on the tube tonight. I'm not going to watch him because after three years he's proven himself to be a lying sack of shit. I won't believe anything he says and I'll get the high(low)lights of his buffoonery on the morning news at 4:30 when I wake up. What a moron. I can't wait until November.

I'll be watching Deep Space Nine reruns on Spike with Mrs. F before we go to bed. DS9 is my favorite of the Star Trek series. Yay Spike TV.

UPDATE: I just heard President Dipshit is going to be at Normandy for the D-Day memorial this year, the 60th anniversary. I wonder how those brave honorable souls feel to have their sacrifice commemorated by a man who doesn't know the meaning of the words brave, honorable, and sacrifice. If he did, he wouldn't be squandering lives in pursuit of vengeance.

Factory Parts

Factory parts from the dealer are the best replacement parts, period. Having torn down and overhauled my first engine at the age of 10 (Mom wanted a kid, dad wanted slave labor. The motor was out of his '36 Merc he used to race at Freeport Raceway here on Long Island), I've used just about every factory and aftermarket part made. Factory is best, even in most street-legal high-performace applications. The motor I built that took 4th in the '92 Mustang shootout at Englishtown had factory heads and valvetrain (I ported and polished them a bit) and a factory lower end, rings bearings, pistons, rods, and crank. Fuel delivery was also a set of 8 5.8L units on the 5.0 and a truck cam. It was a hot little Mustang.

My boss, good man that he is, stocks factory oil filters for every car we see. If you got a Ford, it gets Motorcraft, got a Chevy, you get AC Delco, Dodge gets a Mopar, and so on, same for the foreign makes. It's the little things that count and something to look for when you choose a mechanic.

Now, I'm not saying that the expense of factory parts is always justified. Bendix and Raybestos, for instance, make outstanding brakes, Standard Ignition makes excellent stuff too, and there are a whole host of good aftermarket companies whose products we use regularly. I'll throw a Fram filter on anything in a pinch and Gates belts are the industry standard.

I guess what I'm saying is that if you see generic (plain white box with a number on it) oil filters on the shelf along with generic brakes at your local garage, pay the extra expense and demand they get the parts from the local dealer. The quickie oil change places don't have a choice because they have to use the filters of whomever supplies their oil. In the car business, you generally get what you pay for.


On a personal note: Almost-Dead Ed, our admin guy (Office Bitch) went back into the hospital this weekend. He's suffering from Scleraderma (sp?), terminal unfortunately hence the nickname. He's in Stage III of the disease and his breathing has been getting worse. This sucks because it's increased the workload for the Indian and me, having to answer the phone and make out bills when Harry isn't around. We're trying to figure a way to hook Ed up to a machine in the office so he can resume his duties. Don't look at me like that, good help is hard to find and we're going to get all we can out of him. The slacker, hanging around with pretty nurses. Oy!!! To be serious for a minute, not many people would come to work in the condition he's been in over the last couple years and to say Ed is inspiring doesn't do him justice. I am constantly impressed with his work ethic and his determination and I am privileged to call him a friend. Feel better and hurry back you belligerent old bastard. Mrs. F made chocolates for ya!

Survey

A decent little political survey that I stole from Lean Left. Take it yourself. The answers are mine.


1. Which political party do you typically agree with?

Democratic.

2. Which political party do you typically vote for?

I was once a Reagan Republican but now I'm so liberal I'm turning pink-o. Ha! Democrat mostly.

3. List the last five presidents that you voted for?

1984-Reagan
1988-Bush 41
1992-Bush 41
1996-Clinton
2000-Gore

4. Which party do you think is smarter about the economy?

The Clinton years taught the Democrats how to deal with money and after what I've seen President Simpleton do to the economy, well . . .

5. Which party do you think is smarter about domestic affairs?

Democratic.

6. Do you think we should keep our troops in Iraq or pull them out?

I think we should do whatever it takes to get Euro and Mid-East money and interest into the situation. Offer them trade incentives, oral sex if you have to but get the American face off this as soon as possible and start rotating our kids out of there.

7. Who, or what country, do you think is most responsible for 9/11?

Osama bin Forgotten, and most of the Islamic nations who claim to be our friends. Indirectly, Israel.

8. Do you think we will find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?

Ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Maybe an old arteillery shell or two that we gave Saddam twenty years ago.

9. Yes or no, should the U.S. legalize marijuana?

Yes. No, not just yes. HELL YES!!!!!

10. Do you think the republicans stole the last presidential election?

Stop bitching about 2000 and don't let them do it again this year.

11. Do you think Bill Clinton should have been impeached because of what he did with Monica Lewinski?

If Clinton deserves to be impeached for lying about a blowjob, Bush should be strung up for squandering our children's lives in his dirty war.

12. Do you think Hillary Clinton would make a good president?

Mrs. Fixer says so. Smart ladies turn me on. (Why I conned Mrs. F into marrying me.) So she's got my vote.

13. Name a current democrat who would make a great president:

Joe Biden. I'd endorse a Biden/McCain ticket. Hell, I become aroused at the thought of a Biden/McCain ticket. Biden/Pelosi wouldn't be too bad either.

14. Name a current republican who would make a great president:

McCain, definitely McCain.

15. Do you think that women should have the right to have an abortion?
Yes.

16. What religion are you?

God and I made a deal a long time ago. I'd stay out of His way if He'd stay out of mine. It's worked out well for both of us so far.

17. Have you read the Bible all the way through?

There was that incident in Mrs. Felice's catechism class when I was a boy. After that, my religious education was spotty.

18. What’s your favorite book?

Anything by Isaac Asimov. Most of the stuff I write.

19. Who is your favorite band?

Stones, Who, Zep, Santana, and the rest of that ilk.

20. Who do you think you'll vote for president in the next election?

Kerry, though I wish Dean hadn't imploded.

21. What website did you see this on first?

Stole it from Lean Left, who stole it from Say Uncle.


You can bitch back at me about my answers if you want.

Ever since . . .

The best way to piss off your mechanic is to begin a sentence with "ever since". (Words of advice, NEVER piss off your mechanic.)

As in: "Ever since you fixed my brakes, my window doesn't go up properly."

"You know goddamn well I didn't break your fucking window, lady, and I know goddamn well you're trying to get something for free." That's what I'm thinking (among other things, like sodomizing you with my 3/4 inch breaker bar) as I stare at you coldly, holding my tongue. Naturally, I would NEVER sodomize a customer, but some people do need two and a half feet of cold steel shoved up their ass. Don't look at me like that, every mechanic thinks the same shit.

As soon as I hear 'ever since', I shut down. It's a foregone conclusion now that you will pay for every little thing I do from this point forward. What you should have said:

"Hi, Rich, could you take a quick look at my window? It's been acting a little funny. You know, I noticed it when I was here last (three months ago when she had the brake job done), but I didn't have the time to come see you(it wasn't important to me until today because there's rain, snow, whatever, in the forecast and I didn't want it to COMPLETELY break in the down position)."

Upon hearing that, I would walk out to your car with you and check the operation of your beloved window. If it is acting up, and I can fix it in a couple minutes without ordering parts, I will, and generally send you on your way without charge. If I do need parts, I'll make sure the window stays up until I can get you in to replace said parts, and then send you on your way without charge.

If you came in saying 'ever since', I'd do all of the above and charge you $50 American.

"Well, that's all high and mighty of you, Mr. Fixer, but what if you did break it? If that's the case, you're just like those Paper Assholes you talk about," you might say.

And I say that any mechanic worth a damn doesn't break shit he's not being paid to fix in the first place. That isn't to say shit doesn't get broken, but again, any mechanic worth a damn doesn't let a car go out that way. I won't take the ding to my reputation. By the way, I was an engine builder for Ford Motor Company here in Queens and I'm ASE certified in every discipline but automatic transmissions. (More on the reasons why not down the line) I have an excellent reputation and I intend to keep it.

My little words of wisdom for the morning. Gotta get to work and see who broke what over the weekend. Have a nice day!

For those who care: Mrs. F and I are determined to wash the dog tonight. We'll see what happens.

23 May 2004

No More Stalling

Mrs. Fixer is preparing the martinis as we speak. The dog gets a reprieve until tomorrow.

Have a good night!

Still Stalling

Mrs. Fixer is still in her dressing room, gotta check for signs of life. I'm still "blogsturbating" and I decided to run over to Daily Kos where I spotted this Bush Joke. Kos and his pals are in my bookmarks and should be in yours too. Going to check on Mrs. F.

I'm Stalling

We have to wash the dog today. Our little monster hates water. Now, combine those two facts with another that the dog weighs 80 lbs. and is strong as hell. Needless to say, I'm stalling. I know Mrs. Fixer isn't too enthused about wrestling with an 80 lb watermelon seed either because she just realized she had to do her nails for work tomorrow. She's stalling too. Somehow, the dog knows we want to give her a bath (we really do and she needs it) and is eyeing us both warily, ready to find the most confined space in the house to wedge herself should one of us make a move toward her. Now, my wife is a very intelligent woman and I'm . . . well . . . I can read and write, yet the dog is smarter than we are. Try getting the dog out from under the bed after she turns herself into dead weight and you'll know what I mean.

So I'm in bed, "blogsturbating" (I expect royalties for those who use it.) in front of my laptop, Mrs. F is in her dressing room, making the joint smell like a body shop, and the dog is nervous. I intend to lull the mutt into a false sense of security and grab her when she falls asleep. That's if Mrs. Fixer doesn't decide to mix up a pitcher of martinis before the dog nods off. If I start drinking, the dog gets washed tomorrow. I know it, Mrs. Fixer knows it, and the dog is hoping for it.